Postpartum Depression

I knew going into Lily's birth that my stressful pregnancy put me at a higher risk for winding up with postpartum depression.  I thought that escaped it by some luck.  I've dealt with my fair share of stressful situations. But, it slammed us all into THIS reality when we used 4 oz (1+ days) of breastmilk because traffic kept me 30 minutes longer at the gym during vacation on a day when the baby should have been good for hours longer.  The 2-hour trip to the gym was not worth nearly a day and a half of milk.  I cried for days.  I resented the baby.  I was so sad. 

I knew what was wrong and I scheduled an appointment with a therapist immediately. I don't think that helped at all after 8 weeks of therapy.  Eventually, our appointments became about trying to convince me to hire a babysitter (even at 5am), as well as other pieces of parenting advice.  I just didn't connect with the right therapist, and after 8 weeks, I was just wasting my free time. I had to arrange rare outings alone to get to therapy.  I could have spent those two hours having brunch my myself or shopping!  So, I would use my free time in therapy that wasn't useful and still need more free time.

There have been several stories in the news recently of folks with PPD who have lost their grip on reality.  And, mental health treatment in the U.S. has been a hot conversation since Creigh Deed's son attacked his father and killed himself.  Not to mention the weekly shootings that are all too familiar this year.  In my opinion, it is very difficult to get on with daily life while trying to say "Hey! I need some help!"  Our system is missing something major.  To find a therapist, let alone one covered by my insurance, I have to wade through a list of names and addresses, most of whom do not have websites, and try to figure out who would be a good fit for me.  Then, it takes several appointments to figure out that a therapist isn't going to be able to help you, so the search starts all over again.  And, I've wasted covered appointments on my insurance plan trying to figure that out.  How long before I find the right therapist?  And, so many people don't have insurance, or their plans don't cover therapy.

What I need most is someone to take the baby out of the house for hours on a regular basis.  That happened for the first time two weeks ago.  Sean took Lily to Ikea and Silver Diner.  My therapist thought that it was imperative for me to enlist a babysitter or nanny, to spend weeks getting Lily to trust that person, and to spend time seeing if I would trust someone to take her out of the house.  The answer is NO.  I will not trust any person who is not family to drive my daughter anywhere.  But, that weekend was a success.  Hopefully, we'll have another one of those soon.