As for me and baby, we are happily living it up (as much as a pregnant lady can) at a friend's house. So much for the best pregnancy. I will settle for the best pregnancy possible in this situation. I have been worried about food, makeup, and deodorant, but the most important thing was a peaceful space. A space where baby and mama can be free from stress, manipulation, and control. A space where mama's needs and opinion mean something. A space where the baby is the most important focus.
Besides knowing that sweet baby is okay, the most precious thing has been the fear of being alone that transformed into the knowledge that we have an incredible support system. There are dozens of people who have reached out to lend a hand, lend an ear, be a shoulder, be a friend, share a meal, etc. I always doubted whether or not I was doing a good enough job as a leader, whether I was giving enough to others and to the community. That answer has been a resounding yes. Thank you so much to all of those who have been there, who continue to be there, and who will be there for us in the future.
And, Baby Daddy's opinion is that he can take care of and love a baby in the womb without taking care of the pregnant mother. This is so completely wrong that it's disgusting. That's okay, Big BD. We can take care of ourselves.
Make sure you take BD to court and get child support until Lily is 18 years old. Money is important in raising children. Forget "I buy diapers and clothes for baby". That doesn't pay for food, shelter, or anything else. And is a cop-out. So is "I am strapped for cash right now", let the court take of that to ensure peace in your home. So don't fall for his games of "support", get the court order and a judge. If you don't, he will eventually lose interest and suddenly "forget" his child.
ReplyDeleteSorry to be so harsh, but experience is a bitter teacher. Don't want anyone else to go through it. Take care of you and your child. And remember there is support!
There are always three perspectives in a two person relationship... which is why I will never say anything negative about you in a public forum. Nor have I said anything negative about to any of our friends in person. I don't think it's appropriate, especially when you and I have such different opinions about the relationship and about each other. In fact, I will never say anythying negative about you for the rest of my life, because I don't think it's good for our daughter.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure your lawyer would agree. They don't typically condone public bashing.
I definitely agree that living separately is the healthiest option for both of us. The only thing I will say about our relationship in a public forum, like this, is that it wasn't healthy for either of us... or our daughter. I believe, with all my heart, that she will be much better off being raised by two heatlhy and happy divorced parents than two unhappy married parents.
And know this: there is nothing in this universe that will prevent me from being a father to her. Nothing.
My beautiful Iris,
ReplyDeleteYou are going to do wonderfully! God and Goddess have a plan for you in the years, months, weeks and days to come. Be as brave as ever and hold your head.
Love and light Sister
Lady Elirea Ivy Earthsong
You and Lily have so much support, Iris. Do not concern yourself or allow your peace of mind to be affected by threats and manipulative behavior. Your life with Lily will be peace-filled, joy-filled, and serenity, love and laughter will surround and protect you.
ReplyDeleteAs Dr. Phil said, "No matter how flat a pancake is, there are always two sides." However, I do not think that you Iris said negative things - unflattering things perhaps, but not negative actionable ones. No matter what BD says, get that court ordered child support.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, the court child support scene is so ugly. I don't claim to know anything about your relationship, and won't take sides on that aspect of this, but I do know that the court route isn't always the best route. What about waiting and seeing how honorable his actions are FIRST and then seeing if you need to pursue him? If you go through the court, you lose so much of the money for court fees. In the situation with my BD, I found that he gave me more money than he would have been required to, and I know if he would have had to deal with court hassles, it would have been the amount they required only. How about giving him the benefit of the doubt on it first, and then pursue later if needed? I don't know Sean that well, but I can't imagine that he would be dishonorable about this.
ReplyDeleteOK; I have been quiet for a long time but I will speak now on Iris' behalf. All of you who know Iris and I know that we've had our differences. That aside, I stand with her ON EVERY WORD she spoke about this man. Unfortunately, I know him just as well. He means well at first, but does in fact have things he needs to work through with a professional, in therapy. He just needs to admit the issues to himself. He has gone from relationship to relationship (marriage to marriage) and this certainly isn't healthy in anyone's book. We must ask why does one man have so many marriages by the age of 32? It is very sad because, yes, he passed up another opportunity for a relationship of growth. But, unfortunately, truth is, you cannot grow if you refuse to. It is very sad. No matter what he says about being a "father," he isn't acting with love and protection for his child right now. He is trying to separate the child from the mother when that child is INSIDE the mother. I very much hope he gets the help he needs to turn his life around and stop this cycle of hurting and blaming other people. Blessed be to his soul.
ReplyDeletePeace and love to you and your little Lily. Healing and energy for your journey through and past this time of your life. Breathe and don't forget the network that being such a good person and a good leader has created for you. I'm glad you are allowing others to help you when you need it- that is another kind of strength altogether. _Best wishes and respect from California.
ReplyDeleteI hope that you get sole physical custody of your beautiful child, having read your other blog, I don't think a Judge would award custody to a man who endangered his child's life before she was even born. It shows a marked lack of caring for anyone's needs but his own.
ReplyDelete