Long-Term Side-Lying Night Nursing

I belong to a very distraught and tired segment of the nursing mother population: the long-term, side-lying, night nursing group.   Code word: Human Pacifier.  Let me tell you a little bit about how we got here.  In learning about breastfeeding, one of the common things told to new moms is to not give babies a pacifier.  That a baby who gets attached to a pacifier might suck on it instead of nursing, which could lead to many issues, including a decreased milk supply.  Very determined to get an 'A' in Breastfeeding 101, we didn't really offer the pacifer to Lily save the car or when I returned to work at 5 weeks.  Who knows, with her personality, she probably wouldn't have ever taken it anyway, but of course on the worst days I'm going to sit here and go, "Why the bleep did I think that was a good idea?!"  Because, mixed with cosleeping and nursing on demand, I am now the pacifier.  

snuggling with mama!

Sometimes, it's sweet and wonderful.  I love to cuddle with her.  I love to snuggle and stroke her head.  She is now putting her little leg up on top of mine.  

But, there are a few other problems with this long-term, side-lying, night nursing.  I am laying in the bed with her for hours.  I can't move.  I have a hard time getting comfortable.  For months, I had debilitating hip pain, because once her legs got too long, I couldn't curl up comfortably next to her.  Sure, everyone says to use the pillows to support you, but that only goes so far.  Here are some things that I've been working on:

• I sometimes switch sides in the middle of the night or work on the top boob to give my hip some variety. 
• I try to get my bottom hip out from under my top hip. If my back is leaning out, which it easily does, I need to get that bottom hip away from the baby, so that I am leaning in a little. So I am laying more on the front of my hip than my side. It's hard and I feel like I'm constantly trying to wiggle it out. And, I loose the position while sleeping, so it still hurts a little bit, though not nearly as much as it did before. 
• I tried for awhile to wait until the baby fell asleep and unlatch, but my rolling around would wake her up and she would need another boob and we'd be right back where we were and I'd just go to sleep. Sometimes, I am successful.

  

  sleeping with her legs on top of mine
  

•  We transitioned her to a toddler bed on the floor at 11 months thinking that the rolling around was waking her up, but we found that it's just HER waking up wanting a boob. Grrr.
• Trying to feed her more during the day, and this girl eats like a champ, so that's not the problem.  Still trying to get her to eat more.
• Dr. Sears says for the long term side lying night nursers that we should seek out other people who are doing what we are doing, because most people don't understand and will likely say to just wean, stop cosleeping, let her cry or something.

Now, she likes to put her feet on me to snuggle and thati's causing a lot of back pain!  I can't win. But, she's so comfortable. If I give her the other leg, her leg is up too high to be comfortable, but she will sleep with her leg up there anyway! Crazy baby. I don't think we're ever going to be able to night wean.  

Balanced Baby Parenting

During my pregnancy, I was getting ready to have and raise a baby.  I was reading, researching, and making all of these decisions on how Lily would be raised and what kind of parent I wanted to be.  I heard that if you do what makes the baby happy all of the time, you won't have happy parents and that if you do what makes the parents happy all of the time, you won't have a happy baby.  I didn't believe it.  I was determined to do whatever I needed to do to make the baby happy and assumed that I could be happy, too.  I soon realized that even though I scoffed at the Time Magazine cover of extended nursing, that I did subscribe to attachment parenting.

While Attachment Parenting International describes parenting in different terms, Dr. Sears talks about attachment-style parenting in regards to believing in baby cues, baby wearing, breastfeeding, cosleeping, and not baby training.  The idea being that a stronger bond means a happier child later in life.  Some parents make sort of opposite choices for one reason or another to sleep train, use formula, put their child down for an extended period of time, get babies on a schedule, etc. Sometimes, it's not really a choice, but a necessity of the family situation.  Things often get heated in online mommy discussions between folks when talking about the different parenting choices. Even though I am sticking with my intense choice to be an attached parent, I don't feel it's productive to judge parents who make different decisions.  We are all just trying to balance happy parent and happy baby, trying to make the decisions that we feel are best for our families.

I very much so thought that when I got around to writing about parenting that it would be about a wonderful attachment parenting life.  I didn't realize how hard it would be!  Our attachment ways have lead to a happy baby who hardly ever cries, who is gaining lots of weight, and we all generally sleep well at night. I didn't understand why some very loving parents would make different decisions about how to raise their children.  But, I get it now.  Our culture has made a job for two people what was meant a job for ten.  These babies need more than one set of boobs. While we do have a happy baby, it has come with some challenges:

	Positives	Challenges
Nursing on demand	happy baby, keep milk supply up, delay menstrual cycle	constantly breastfeeding during the first 4 months, nursing to sleep for 12 hours a day
Cosleeping	always near Lily when she needs us, can sleep while nursing her back to sleep, minimize time awake at night	pain in hips from side-lying too long, nursing baby to sleep for 12 hours a day, wake up baby when we toss and turn at night (when one of us isn't sleeping well, none of us sleep well)
Breastfeeding	baby gets specialized nutrition, better immune system for baby, less sickness for baby, decrease cancers for mom	pumping is a bitch, having to pump at work and all hours of the night, only I can really comfort her and put her to sleep
Babywearing	happy baby when wants to be held, can do some things around the house, can take baby more places without feeling like we have to drag out a stroller	Holding her for naps if she wants to be held, baby needs to be on the floor or playing with toys on her own at times to learn necessary skills and exercise
Belief in baby cues	happy baby, can figure out what she is trying to communicate before she starts crying, less crying means less sickness	there are some months where I don't know if we'll ever be allowed to leave the house again
Beware baby trainers	happy baby, work at developing skills before they become bad habits to break, do what the baby wants	wondering if those parents who do sleep train and do schedules are happier than we are right now

Regardless of all of the challenges that being an attached parent brings, I can't imagine raising Lily any other way.   She is certainly a happy baby because we try to meet all or her needs as quickly as we can.  There are things that we are doing and we need to do more of that can balance out these challenges and make for happy parents:

• Now that she's older, I am setting aside time to work out.
• Now that it's warmer in the morning, we are taking more and more walks.
• Now that I'm not worried about my milk supply, we're scheduling more and more date afternoons where it's okay for grandma to give the baby a bottle.
• Now that we're traveling well, I'm looking for more classes, activities, and opportunities to show Lily new things.
• When she's less sensitive, I try to nurse AND do something else, like scrapbook or read.  She's only let me do that a few times.  She often gets upset if I'm not paying attention to her while she's nursing.
• Decide to say YES to activities we have been saying no to, such as a birthday bonfire and a trip to the winery with the girls.

Babywearing

I think it was my husband's comments last year about babywearing that really introduced me to the concept.  He said that babies should be carried or worn and that he didn't see much of a need for a stroller.  As I was deciding what kind of parent I wanted to be before Lily was born, I discovered that babywearing was associated with attachment parenting, just like many of the other choices I was making.  Dr. Sears talks about benefits of babywearing, including that a baby that cries less and learns more.   I had this grand vision of Lily's first weeks being full of easy breastfeeding, cosleeping, picking up on elimination cues, and babywearing.  Well, breastfeeding wasn't easy, I still can't figure out her elimination cues, and she basically hated being in a carrier at the beginning.  It's been a journey, but we take a break and then we try something again.  She's slowly getting accustomed to the carriers, which allows us more versatility.  It's great to be able to get up off of the couch and use two hands to do something every now and then.

We have a Moby wrap, a Baby K'tan, a Balboa ring sling, a Baby Bjorn, and a Sleeping Baby Productions (SBP) ring sling.  I used the Moby a bit when Lily was little.  The K'tan is really easy to get on, and it has front carry positions, too.  I was really disappointed with the Balboa sling, because while it was recommended by Dr. Sears, it isn't very functional.

I just purchased a SBP ring sling.  It is all the rave with the moms I've come into contact with online.  It's affordable, durable, and custom made.  She really does a great job with them.  We went to Ikea last weekend, and I was able to breastfeed Lily discreetly in the sling while we walked around.  We even got to have dinner out! Babywearing win!

Lily got to see Ikea.  So many new things to explore!

Breastfeeding in the ring sling.  You can't event tell!

Dinner at a local restaurant!

Daddy is having more success with Lily Bean in the Baby Bjorn.  She loves to face front and see what is going on.