Balanced Baby Parenting

During my pregnancy, I was getting ready to have and raise a baby.  I was reading, researching, and making all of these decisions on how Lily would be raised and what kind of parent I wanted to be.  I heard that if you do what makes the baby happy all of the time, you won't have happy parents and that if you do what makes the parents happy all of the time, you won't have a happy baby.  I didn't believe it.  I was determined to do whatever I needed to do to make the baby happy and assumed that I could be happy, too.  I soon realized that even though I scoffed at the Time Magazine cover of extended nursing, that I did subscribe to attachment parenting.

While Attachment Parenting International describes parenting in different terms, Dr. Sears talks about attachment-style parenting in regards to believing in baby cues, baby wearing, breastfeeding, cosleeping, and not baby training.  The idea being that a stronger bond means a happier child later in life.  Some parents make sort of opposite choices for one reason or another to sleep train, use formula, put their child down for an extended period of time, get babies on a schedule, etc. Sometimes, it's not really a choice, but a necessity of the family situation.  Things often get heated in online mommy discussions between folks when talking about the different parenting choices. Even though I am sticking with my intense choice to be an attached parent, I don't feel it's productive to judge parents who make different decisions.  We are all just trying to balance happy parent and happy baby, trying to make the decisions that we feel are best for our families.

I very much so thought that when I got around to writing about parenting that it would be about a wonderful attachment parenting life.  I didn't realize how hard it would be!  Our attachment ways have lead to a happy baby who hardly ever cries, who is gaining lots of weight, and we all generally sleep well at night. I didn't understand why some very loving parents would make different decisions about how to raise their children.  But, I get it now.  Our culture has made a job for two people what was meant a job for ten.  These babies need more than one set of boobs. While we do have a happy baby, it has come with some challenges:

	Positives	Challenges
Nursing on demand	happy baby, keep milk supply up, delay menstrual cycle	constantly breastfeeding during the first 4 months, nursing to sleep for 12 hours a day
Cosleeping	always near Lily when she needs us, can sleep while nursing her back to sleep, minimize time awake at night	pain in hips from side-lying too long, nursing baby to sleep for 12 hours a day, wake up baby when we toss and turn at night (when one of us isn't sleeping well, none of us sleep well)
Breastfeeding	baby gets specialized nutrition, better immune system for baby, less sickness for baby, decrease cancers for mom	pumping is a bitch, having to pump at work and all hours of the night, only I can really comfort her and put her to sleep
Babywearing	happy baby when wants to be held, can do some things around the house, can take baby more places without feeling like we have to drag out a stroller	Holding her for naps if she wants to be held, baby needs to be on the floor or playing with toys on her own at times to learn necessary skills and exercise
Belief in baby cues	happy baby, can figure out what she is trying to communicate before she starts crying, less crying means less sickness	there are some months where I don't know if we'll ever be allowed to leave the house again
Beware baby trainers	happy baby, work at developing skills before they become bad habits to break, do what the baby wants	wondering if those parents who do sleep train and do schedules are happier than we are right now

Regardless of all of the challenges that being an attached parent brings, I can't imagine raising Lily any other way.   She is certainly a happy baby because we try to meet all or her needs as quickly as we can.  There are things that we are doing and we need to do more of that can balance out these challenges and make for happy parents:

• Now that she's older, I am setting aside time to work out.
• Now that it's warmer in the morning, we are taking more and more walks.
• Now that I'm not worried about my milk supply, we're scheduling more and more date afternoons where it's okay for grandma to give the baby a bottle.
• Now that we're traveling well, I'm looking for more classes, activities, and opportunities to show Lily new things.
• When she's less sensitive, I try to nurse AND do something else, like scrapbook or read.  She's only let me do that a few times.  She often gets upset if I'm not paying attention to her while she's nursing.
• Decide to say YES to activities we have been saying no to, such as a birthday bonfire and a trip to the winery with the girls.