Poem for Lily

29 weeks

I wonder what you're doing in there,
If you already want to pull out your hair,
I am sure that I move the moment you get cozy,
I probably bounce around with too much glee,
Oh the company I keep and their funny voices,
I hope I am making some of the right choices,
The weird music I play on the radio,
And those funny guys on the talk show,
I hope you're dancing to it, too.
I hope that none of this makes you sad and blue.

If you hated the cheeseburgers and the steaks,
Why, it would make my heart break,
Because everything I do is for you,
Except continue to wear those damn shoes,
Please don't forsake the milkshake,
As giving them up would make the earth quake,
You probably roll your little eyes,
How funny we are to you, I can only surmise,
I suppose I am being just silly.
Of course you love it all; you are my Lily.

Connecting With Baby

Here are some things I have been doing or plan to do to connect with Lily before she's born:

• Reading: I have been reading some of my favorite stories to Lily on a regular basis.  From the special edition Winnie the Pooh books that my dad brought home when we were little that I dug out of my baby box to a fairy tale book that I picked up at a local consignment shop, I love to read to her before I fall asleep. (Cortney said that her baby room was Winnie the Pooh when she was a little babe!  Yay!)
• Singing: I have been singing my favorite songs to Lily.  I sing to her at work and in the car.
• Talking: A coworker of mine said that him and his wife talked to their son, Kento, all of the time while he was in the womb.  They described to him what they were doing.  After 26 weeks, babies have more developed hearing and can recognize the voices of the people who have been around them the most.
• Meditation: Taking a few moments to tune out the rest of the world and just put the minds eye in the womb to sit with Lily.  I often wonder what her days are like, what she feels, and if she's happy.
• Pausing: When I feel her kick or move, I pause to say hello.
• Altar: I created a baby altar as a place to connect with Lily.  I continue to add to the altar, including the friendship stone that Kali brought back from Canada for Lily.
• Prayer: In the mornings, I light a candle as a prayer for health, safety, and/or love for baby Lily on her altar.
• Memory Book: I picked up a Winnie the Pooh memory book for Lily in which to begin recording notes.
• Time capsule: Gather some items and put them into a container to be opened at a later time.  I plan to do this, and here are some of my ideas of what to put into it: pictures of preggers mom, family, and friends, letters from family, pregnancy diary, tape measure with belly size marks, money with year printed on it, picture of the place we live when she's born, list of popular songs, and list of predictions for what our life will be like or the world will be like when we open it.
• The Places You'll Go: Not something to complete before birth, but a really neat concept that can be applied to various ideas.  I heard on the radio last month about a dad who spent 13 years collecting messages from his daughter's favorite teachers in a copy of Dr. Seuss' Oh the Places You'll Go to give to her for graduation. 
• Letters: My friend Norma said that she writes a letter to her daughter every year and she collects letters from various people in her family.  They tell Shaadi about what was going on that year.
• Nesting: A great way to connect with Lily has just been getting ready for her to make her debut.  Thinking about what we needed was scary at first, but all of this helps me visualize our life together and holding her in my arms.

Add notes to a jar about good things that have happened during pregnancy.
Put those notes in a scrapbook, memory book, or frame when baby is born.

Original note jar idea from pintrest.com: "Start the year with an empty jar and fill it with notes about good things that happen. Then, on New Year's Eve, empty it and see what awesome stuff happened that year."

Lily has a huge extended family, and they have connected with her by:

• Talking to her,
• Talking to her in funny voices (Cortney!),
• Spoiling her with goodies,
• Offering second hand baby items,
• Offering to come help with baby after birth,
• Researching baby stuff and sending me links,
• Feeding mama and baby, 
• Sending their love, and 
• Dropping everything to be there for us when we needed support.

Lily will certainly know that she is loved.

Love For This Baby

The more my belly grows, the more I feel her move, and the more I prepare for her arrival, the deeper I feel connected with Lily. I held two babies last week, and I cannot wait to hold my baby.  I see pictures and videos of newborn babies and I cannot wait to feel her skin touch my skin.  To gaze into her eyes with mine.  I watch videos, read books, and browse articles about breastfeeding, and I cannot wait to spend that time connecting with this little baby.  Watching her sleep.  Helping her eat.  Letting her do her thing.  I want to smell her.  I want to cuddle her.  I want to fill my world with her.  I want to love her with everything I have in me.  I cannot wait to spend every day of the rest of my life giving her everything she needs to be the best person possible, whoever she grows up to be.

I have been reading the baby book that my mom kept for me when I was little.  She spent several years pouring details about the first moments of my life onto the pages of those book.  The effort that it took to remember to stop and write down a few things is enormous.  It shows just how much she loved me.  That her love for me could have started like my love for Lily.

At my last Bradley class, we watched a short video of a natural birth.  These folks started shooting video when they saw a positive pregnancy test.  We watched her tummy grow from month to month.  Seeing her naked pregnant body made me break down and cry.  To know that there was a little Lily growing inside of her, too.  And, waiting for the image of when she looked the same amount of preggers that I do.  For when she looked like me! And, the emotions were overflowing by the time she was near term and she showed me what I could look like in a couple of months.  Big, beautiful, with baby bursting out the front.  There's a baby in there!  I'm going to look like that soon.  Wait, there's a baby in here, too!

Then, I realize who was shooting the video of this beautiful pregnant woman.  It was her husband.  A husband we would see with her every step of the way.  A husband who was right there with her when she needed help the most. The way her husband looked at her as he was helping to bring their baby into the world.  I don't think that I can watch all of these natural birth videos without breaking down with these loving husbands when I got conned out of my fairy tale. It was a few days before this when I realized that Baby Daddy could have never wanted to be a father. That his want of a child didn't come from a place of love. If daddies love their babies just as much as mommies, no man who really wanted a family and really loved his child would have ever done what he did to us and put Lily through what he put her through before she was even born.

What will  make it all better is when I feel her skin on my skin.  It vibrates through every part of my spirit that once I feel her skin touch my skin, everything will be okay.  I love her more than anything.  I am so excited for the day that I get to meet her.

Baby-led Breastfeeding

At our Bradley birth class this past weekend, we watched a video on baby-led breastfeeding.  The premise of this approach to breastfeeding is to calm the baby and let the baby find the breast.  Other mammals breastfeed their babies without having to show them where the breast is and guide them.  The video suggested connecting with the baby, laying the baby on your chest, and then letting the baby work his/her way down to the breast.  The video said that there's no hurry, that "we're on baby time."

According to an article originally posted in Today's Parent, after mom has connected with baby:

If he's hungry and ready to eat, the baby will start squirming around, bobbing his head against you, perhaps looking up at your face and making eye contact. He'll then start twisting to one side or even moving quite vigorously, almost throwing himself sideways. "At this point," Smillie says, "the mother's job is just to keep the baby relaxed and comfortable so he can follow through on his instincts. Support his neck and shoulders with one hand and his hips with the other, and just follow him as he moves. Avoid the temptation to try to make him latch on or even to try to line up his mouth with the nipple."

I am so very excited to try this connecting and letting the baby find the breast.  My roommate was just saying yesterday that the reason she loves babies and children is that they are so smart.  That they know what to do and watching them connect the dots is an amazing experience.  I have been watching my body change, and I will say that these breasts are certainly made for feeding this baby, and she needs to come out and do something with them soon!  They have a purpose!  Connecting with baby Lily is going to be so amazing.  I cannot wait!