14 Months Today

This girl has just taken off.  She is full-blown walking now. Of course, she still likes to hold our hands and pull us along at times.  Even though it felt like it would never end, and we even hired a mother's helper to deal with the finger-walking, it seemed like the 5 months we spent bent over wasn't that bad.  Don't get me wrong, it was BAD, but we've rebounded pretty quickly. 

Some of her favorite things:

• Sitting down to read books.  She loved to flip through them standing up.  We wondered when she'd start to sit with us and look at them.   And, now she does!
• She loves her baby doll stroller.  She found it the other day and loves to push it around.  At first, she couldn't steer at all, though after lots of help, she's learning to steer on her own.
• She loves playing in water.  In her bath, while washing her hands, and in puddles outside.  I almost let her play in a puddle last week, until I realized that we didn't have a change of clothes for her in the bag.

Cute things she did:

• Put the play phone up to her ear like she was talking on it.  We talk on the play phone. When I put my hand up to my ear and pretend to call her, she will answer!
• The Hollidges gifted Lily some slippers.  They were just sitting in the living room, though my mom hadn't seen them yet.  She was so excited about them, she opened them up and put them on the baby, then realized that they could have been bought for someone else.  LOL!  The baby, who hates socks, walked around all morning with them on.  When my mom took them off, she got so upset, she walked over to them, picked them up, and tried to put them back on.
• She started blowing kisses!  I blew her a kiss yesterday, she caught it, and put it in her mouth.  Then, she blew me a kiss!  MAH!
• She started singing herself to sleep.  When she's tired and laying in bed, she will sing herself some of the songs we sing together.  
• She is giving high fives!

Other things going on:

• She hit the developmental period ("wonder week") of principles about two weeks ago.  That means bad sleep and more fussy.  We have two more weeks to go in that, according to the Wonder Week app.  It always happens that the best night of sleep she has is going into a wonder week.  

Postpartum Depression

I knew going into Lily's birth that my stressful pregnancy put me at a higher risk for winding up with postpartum depression.  I thought that escaped it by some luck.  I've dealt with my fair share of stressful situations. But, it slammed us all into THIS reality when we used 4 oz (1+ days) of breastmilk because traffic kept me 30 minutes longer at the gym during vacation on a day when the baby should have been good for hours longer.  The 2-hour trip to the gym was not worth nearly a day and a half of milk.  I cried for days.  I resented the baby.  I was so sad. 

I knew what was wrong and I scheduled an appointment with a therapist immediately. I don't think that helped at all after 8 weeks of therapy.  Eventually, our appointments became about trying to convince me to hire a babysitter (even at 5am), as well as other pieces of parenting advice.  I just didn't connect with the right therapist, and after 8 weeks, I was just wasting my free time. I had to arrange rare outings alone to get to therapy.  I could have spent those two hours having brunch my myself or shopping!  So, I would use my free time in therapy that wasn't useful and still need more free time.

There have been several stories in the news recently of folks with PPD who have lost their grip on reality.  And, mental health treatment in the U.S. has been a hot conversation since Creigh Deed's son attacked his father and killed himself.  Not to mention the weekly shootings that are all too familiar this year.  In my opinion, it is very difficult to get on with daily life while trying to say "Hey! I need some help!"  Our system is missing something major.  To find a therapist, let alone one covered by my insurance, I have to wade through a list of names and addresses, most of whom do not have websites, and try to figure out who would be a good fit for me.  Then, it takes several appointments to figure out that a therapist isn't going to be able to help you, so the search starts all over again.  And, I've wasted covered appointments on my insurance plan trying to figure that out.  How long before I find the right therapist?  And, so many people don't have insurance, or their plans don't cover therapy.

What I need most is someone to take the baby out of the house for hours on a regular basis.  That happened for the first time two weeks ago.  Sean took Lily to Ikea and Silver Diner.  My therapist thought that it was imperative for me to enlist a babysitter or nanny, to spend weeks getting Lily to trust that person, and to spend time seeing if I would trust someone to take her out of the house.  The answer is NO.  I will not trust any person who is not family to drive my daughter anywhere.  But, that weekend was a success.  Hopefully, we'll have another one of those soon.

13 Months

Lily turned 13 months old last week.  She is still walking, but will now army crawl a bit, if the mood strikes her.  She is walking across large spaces and is falling less.  She learned to fall on her hands instead of her head (most of the time).  I muse that maybe this month, she'll be fully walking on her own.  She started getting onto her hands and knees and trying to stand up.  I just laughed at the sight.  Why now, after all this time?  It is like a dream.  Cannot be true.

She has so many words.  She tries to say some and she knows so many.  She says ox, sock, and rock, which come out as "ock"  She also tries to say cat, truck, and some other things. 

She loves to put the hat, sock, and shirt pieces back into her play suitcase.  It is very interesting to watch her turn them the right way. She loves instruments.  Anything you can shake, bang, or press to make noise is a hit.

She loves to touch other people.  She walks up to other kids and grabs them.  These toddlers and preschoolers don't know what to make of it.  Today, another little girl freaked out that the baby touched her. 

Lily is hugging now a lot.  It's so good to have her arms around you after a year of her smacking you away.  Lol.

Getting This Food Under Control

Fun fact of the day: the incredibly delicious Panera cupcakes have 520 calories in them.  That's right.  Five. Hundred. Twenty.  FIVE HUNDRED TWENTY!!!

I had cut out the carbs and sugar, and while my weight dropped, I got very sick.  More than withdraw, the headaches, body aches, and confusion went on for more than a month.  I'm still breastfeeding, so I have no idea what my body really needs until it makes me eat it.  So, I started eating some lasagna and peanut butter cups.  I got ill from some bad salad a couple of months ago and then stopped taking it to work, so I was confused with what healthy foods I should fill the cracks in my appetite.  I'm pulling teeth to just try to make it through with the little sleep that I get, so I don't have time to be sick.

I gave up on waiting for the weight to come off before shopping for clothes.  I went out and bought a new work wardrobe, none of which was a size larger than I was before pregnancy.

Then, I noticed that I unintentionally stopped eating meat and my weight started to balloon.  Between the easy-to-make cheese lasagna and the broccoli cheese soup at the brand new Panera, I wasn't being the carnivore I know I am.  I went from 168 lbs to 176 lbs really fast.  It was horrible.  None of my new pants fit last week!  Mind you, I was 150 lbs when I got pregnant and gave birth at at least 190 lbs.   I cut down my calories to 2,000 or less per day,.  Before, I was eating probably 3,000 to 4,000 and maintaining a good weight for awhile. But, even at under 2,000 calories per day, I was still gaining weight!

I remembered that I started loosing weight when I was eating meat and veggies for lunch and dinner.  I thought it was the sugar and grains that were causing the stagnation.  Last week, I ate several Indian dinners with naan (bread).  Lots of bread, actually.  And, I started loosing weight again!  By eating meat and veggies, I had also inadvertently cut out dairy, too.  The baby and I also cut dairy out last week to see if that would reduce her night wakings.  She is certainly sleeping better.  And, even though I have no idea how many calories I'm eating, the weight is still dropping.  It's at least under control.

I also cut down on the coffee I was drinking, because I read where one lady said she couldn't even drink decaf after noon without her breastfed child being up all night.  I think Lily's really a lot happier now.  We don't know what is going on with her nap schedule.  Some days, she'll take two naps, but other days, it's just one.  I am not sick by not eating much grain or sugar now, so I think that the large quality of coffee I was drinking to make it through all of the sleepless nights (that was causing some sleepless nights) required a larger amount of grains and sugar to deal. 

Even at 2,000 calories or less per day, I couldn't loose weight when I was eating lots of dairy.   How incredible.  I would not have thought it mattered as much what I ate as long as I didn't eat too much.

Cedar Oil for Lawn Treatment

We had been held hostage in our house and away from the yard this whole summer.  The mosquitoes were horrendous.  They were relentless.  And, no matter what Sean did, they left painful quarter-sized welts all over his body.  Apparently, these were African tiger mosquitoes, or something like that.  We tried to make mosquito traps using carbon dioxide to lure them in, but those failed to catch much of anything.  We then bought two insect lamps with mosquito-attracting pheromones, and those seem to work well.  But, they have a limit to how affective they are.

It was killer, because we couldn't just lay in the yard on a blanket with the baby.  Oh, she would have loved it.  Sean and I both grew up in the middle of nowhere and made the forest our home. I remember the countless days where I would curl up in our yard on a blanket while dozing off and watching the clouds float by.  We have a bigger yard and more green space that we would have ever thought living in this city.  But, because we were not willing to spray chemicals on the lawn, we couldn't use it.  My mom mentioned to me that everyone in Ohio uses Chemlawn.  I didn't realize until just a few weeks ago that our lawn growing up was treated with chemicals.  Of course, it makes sense now.  There were never any bugs.  Just fireflies. 

During our visit to Texas, we saw a sign for Cedarcide, an organic lawn treatment. Sean looked it up, and it was for sure not just another chemical treatment masquerading as something natural. It was a cedar oil mixture.

When I saw a brown recluse near the side of the house, I knew that we needed to do something.  Baby girl could have so easily come into contact with it while romping around the yard.  I was ready to just have them come spray the lawn.  For most people, that's okay.  We played in sprayed yards growing up, and we ended up fine.  Lots of people do.  But, for us crazy people who spend a good deal of time, money, and energy trying so hard to minimize the chemicals in their lives, this seemed like a huge deal.  It was a question.  Do you want chemicals or do you not want chemicals?  It was maddening. Of course we don't want chemicals.  We wanted to use the yard!

Sean reminded me about Cedarcide, and after milling over the price, we eventually made the leap.  Someone mentioned that having a company come out to spray the yard would be much more expensive.  It was about $80 for one small bottle.  I had been worried we had just paid $80 for two small treatments and that we would need a new bottle before we got rid of the bugs, but that was not the case.  It contains eight treatments, but the instructions say to use 8 oz for the first treatment.   My mom sprayed the yard and commented that she had enough in the bottle to soak the yard three times.

I was really happy with it.  We had a bonfire for her birthday and there weren't any bugs.  

Toddler Art Class

We've been hitting up this toddler art class from time to time.  Though creating art on paper isn't something Lily is able to really grasp at a year, the whole activity is very engaging.  There is a central activity, such chalk dipped in tempura paint or dipping cars into paint and driving them on paper (I know, cool, right?).  Additionally, the kids can use crayons, markers, or colored pencils at another station.  At a third area, there are toys and books to play with, as well as comfy chairs for parents to sit in.  And, there is coffee to boot.  It is definitely an activity with forethought. 

The first time Lily interacted with a medium on paper to make art!

First Birthday

 

 

Starting to decorate

decorating cupcakes

 

 

daddy and birthday girl selfie

teething baby

first bonfire awake

 

fairy beanie

hanging on the porth with my mom and dad

walking with Sean's mom

tex mex night

National Arboretum

Long-Term Side-Lying Night Nursing

I belong to a very distraught and tired segment of the nursing mother population: the long-term, side-lying, night nursing group.   Code word: Human Pacifier.  Let me tell you a little bit about how we got here.  In learning about breastfeeding, one of the common things told to new moms is to not give babies a pacifier.  That a baby who gets attached to a pacifier might suck on it instead of nursing, which could lead to many issues, including a decreased milk supply.  Very determined to get an 'A' in Breastfeeding 101, we didn't really offer the pacifer to Lily save the car or when I returned to work at 5 weeks.  Who knows, with her personality, she probably wouldn't have ever taken it anyway, but of course on the worst days I'm going to sit here and go, "Why the bleep did I think that was a good idea?!"  Because, mixed with cosleeping and nursing on demand, I am now the pacifier.  

snuggling with mama!

Sometimes, it's sweet and wonderful.  I love to cuddle with her.  I love to snuggle and stroke her head.  She is now putting her little leg up on top of mine.  

But, there are a few other problems with this long-term, side-lying, night nursing.  I am laying in the bed with her for hours.  I can't move.  I have a hard time getting comfortable.  For months, I had debilitating hip pain, because once her legs got too long, I couldn't curl up comfortably next to her.  Sure, everyone says to use the pillows to support you, but that only goes so far.  Here are some things that I've been working on:

• I sometimes switch sides in the middle of the night or work on the top boob to give my hip some variety. 
• I try to get my bottom hip out from under my top hip. If my back is leaning out, which it easily does, I need to get that bottom hip away from the baby, so that I am leaning in a little. So I am laying more on the front of my hip than my side. It's hard and I feel like I'm constantly trying to wiggle it out. And, I loose the position while sleeping, so it still hurts a little bit, though not nearly as much as it did before. 
• I tried for awhile to wait until the baby fell asleep and unlatch, but my rolling around would wake her up and she would need another boob and we'd be right back where we were and I'd just go to sleep. Sometimes, I am successful.

  

  sleeping with her legs on top of mine
  

•  We transitioned her to a toddler bed on the floor at 11 months thinking that the rolling around was waking her up, but we found that it's just HER waking up wanting a boob. Grrr.
• Trying to feed her more during the day, and this girl eats like a champ, so that's not the problem.  Still trying to get her to eat more.
• Dr. Sears says for the long term side lying night nursers that we should seek out other people who are doing what we are doing, because most people don't understand and will likely say to just wean, stop cosleeping, let her cry or something.

Now, she likes to put her feet on me to snuggle and thati's causing a lot of back pain!  I can't win. But, she's so comfortable. If I give her the other leg, her leg is up too high to be comfortable, but she will sleep with her leg up there anyway! Crazy baby. I don't think we're ever going to be able to night wean.  

Old Maryland Farm

Yesterday, we were far from home and had to stop and hop in the car because Lily needed a nap.  We passed around the idea of heading somewhere cool.  Anywhere.  The cool, autumn air was delicious.  Maybe we should frollick around Old Town Alexandria and look at the ducks in the rain.  Maybe we should head to Annapolis or Baltimore.  We finally decided to head to the Old Maryland Farm at Watkins Regional Park.

What a trip.  I half expected the farm to be closed, us to have needed a reservation, or something else that really restricted us from getting up close to some animals.  What we found were lots of animals that we could get up close and personal with.  There were rabbits, chickens, peacocks, ducks, geese, llamas, sheep, goats, BABY goats, cows, a pig, horses, and a donkey.  She got to pet a bunny!

There is a good sized playground at this park.  And, during the summer, there is a carousel and a good sized trained ride.  Definitely some place of which we're going to make a whole day.  And, in thinking about a homeschooling future, it is most certainly a place to keep in the haystack.  Get it.  Haystack.  Hahahaha. 

Bad Sleep and Normal Schedule

So, we've been getting really bad sleep for weeks.  I mean, there was the two weeks I was on nights, a week in Texas, and then it took three weeks after that for everything to be sorta right.  There was a developmental phase and teething.  Sure enough, she was either awake for two hours in the middle of the night or thrashing around.

It is a funny realization when after 5 months of wishing baby girl would wake up after 7:00am, then she finally starts waking up at 7:00am (after being awake for 2 hours in the middle of the night), and all I want is for her to go back to waking up at 5:30am again.  I built my routine around her going to bed around 8:00pm and waking up at 5:30am.  I might get to snooze by myself for 15 minutes.  We play, we eat, we take a walk.  We try to drink coffee.  When she takes a long nap, I get to get ready for work and poke around on the computer.  With her waking up at 7:00am, I lost my getting ready for work time, cooking time, showering time, and we lost our morning walk.

I knew the 7:00am wake up couldn't last.  I suppose I don't care what kind of crazy sleep schedule she has, just as long as it's some kind of consistent.  That way, we can build our schedules around her crazy.

This morning, she woke up at 5:30am, and it was the most wonderful thing.   And, I will deny that I ever said that.

More Birthday Preps

We are three weeks away from Lily's birthday, and this four months of planning really paid off.  There was about three months where we were too busy walking the baby to work on anything.  Now, after a big push this week, we're almost finished! We just need to make a tree trunk, buy some straws, buy some cupcake papers, and put this whole thing together.  I even tested a cupcake recipe that was a hit with Daddy!

For the cupcake toppers, I loved these owl ones, but in trying to keep it under $100, I wasn't going to spend $40+ on just those.  I also wanted to keep with the (free) owl theme I found on How to Nest for Less, but those were round and I really liked the squares with the layered-looking border.  I was going to print white squares and layer them on scrapbooking paper, but I realized I didn't have enough of one color without going to the store.  And, I realized I wanted the back to say something different like the Pintrest/Etsy fancy ones.  So, I used Photoshop to create a layered border. 

cupcake toppers

I wanted to put these owl faces on glasses, but we were having trouble locating the right kind of glasses without buying a new set. When we were looking through ideas again, my mom and I came back to this picture of an owl-themed party, and mentioned that we have a ton of mason jars in the shed.  So, she did the mason jars up with the foam we had laying around:

owl glasses

I loved the idea of owl magnets as a party favor after I saw these.  But, again, I didn't want to spend $1 per magnet and wind up dropping $40+ on favors.  So, I purchased magnet paper off of Amazon for $9 and printed us up some 36 magnets. 

birthday magnet party favors

I liked the theme here, but we really didn't have much we could do with it.  So, I took the owl from the window and made it out of foam for our window:

owl for the window

We picked up a couple of silicone cupcake pans.  I was thinking about just buying cupcakes, but these gourmet cupcakes run about $3/cake here.  And, we need some gluten free ones anyway.  So, I picked up a couple of silicone cupcake pans for $25 total on Amazon.  Including the flour ($18ish), we've only spent $40 on cupcakes so far.  Just need to buy some cupcake papers and little butter for the frosting.