Breastfeeding is Hard

Breastfeeding was supposed to be easy, but it was more difficult than giving birth. In the past, we were surrounded by extended families full of women who had breastfed. Now, most of us go it nearly alone. Knowledge that was passed down from generation to generation has been replaced by experts. Thank goodness for groups like Le Leche League who try to preserve the support breastfeeding women used to get in their extended families.

I now understand why so many women give up breastfeeding.  I pushed along, because I knew that breastfeeding my little one breastmilk was the best thing I could do for her to ensure that she has a healthy life.  We are no longer surrounded by breastfeeding women who can help us.  And, the support that we do have can interfere with our intuition by echoing back to us conventional thought processes around how to raise our babies, such as trying to tell us that they are eating too much or to put them on a schedule.  Most of us end up going back to work much sooner than is best for baby, because the U.S. does not have adequate maternity laws.  Breastfeeding in public is seen as taboo.  We compete with conventional doctors who often tell us that we have a low supply and that we need to supplement with formula, because the baby's weight doesn't match a chart.  It's a lot to compete with.

Our Bradley instructor told us to connect with breastfeeding resources before we gave birth, because that would make it more likely that we'd reach out for help when we needed it.  Bradley encourages pregnant women to attend Le Leche League meetings prior to giving birth.  I attended two meetings, which was a blessing, because I knew exactly who to contact when I had a day-old newborn who wouldn't eat. She gave me great advice, connected to me some online resources, and followed up via phone to make sure that I could feed my baby.  I also found support on Babycenter.com's Breastfeeding Support and Pumping Moms forums.  Women are posting and responding to questions during all hours of the day.  Additionally, when I would google my questions to find pages that could shed some light on whatever baby topic I wanted to know about.  I cannot imagine going through this without the internet like previous generations did.

I thought breastfeeding would be easy, because babies have instincts. They come out wanting to find the breast, and they can move and root to do so. But, Lily was suctioned quite a bit, due to a lot of meconium in the womb, and we were separated for a long time, because I lost a lot of blood during labor and delivery. That made the first days of breastfeeding difficult for us both. She would root for the nipple, but cry when she got there. I had to hand express colostrum into a spoon to feed her. At the end of day 3, she was starving, because my colostrum ran out, but my milk hadn't come in. I didn't realize we weren't getting anything, and the continued breastfeeding destroyed my nipples, which took four weeks to heal. We had latch issues and pumping issues as well.

Here are some major lessons that I learned:

• Birth trauma can make it difficult for baby to breastfeed.  Embracing birth as a natural part of life, I didn't think that we were going to have any birth trauma. 
• Have people to call just in case.  I was attending Le Leche League meetings prior to giving birth, because I have trouble asking for help.  It was a life saver.
• Pump flanges come in more than one size!  OMG!  Standard is a medium.  You could need a small, large, extra large, or bigger!  And the size corresponds with your nipple/breast, not with your bra size.  So, you just have to try a few out and see what works for you by extracting the most milk.
• Big-breasted women have challenges breastfeeding.  I watched some videos on Youtube made by some large-breasted women who seemingly also had issues.  I don't think I have big boobs, but my mom begs to differ.
• Babies also need to learn how to breastfeed just like mom does.  I noticed that as we worked at it more and more, baby girl learned how to breastfeed better.  For example, folks kept saying that her lips should flare out a little with a good latch.  No matter how I tried to help her at first she couldn't flare her lips.  

Lily and mama are still working some kinks out, but baby girl is chugging away!

Happy Birth Day Lily!

It was the most incredible three days of  my life.  Lily Anne was born on October 26, 2012 at 10:43pm at NOVA Natural Birth Center in Chantilly, Virginia. I had been nervous that if Lily's birth didn't go as planned that I would be devastated. And, I didn't have my vision of the perfect birth, but what I did do was make all of the right decisions for me, manage Lily's birth as well as I could, and I owned it.  The danger in not owning your birth story is that it can make connecting with new baby more difficult, as well as lead into postpartum depression.  Most importantly for me, I had a natural birth with a very healthy, happy, beautiful little girl.

I want to give a humungous shout out to my doula, Cortney, as well as our birth team (my mom, David, Kali, and Corbee), my midwife and birth center staff (Mayanne, Becky, and Joanne).  Everyone was incredible.  I cannot thank Cortney enough for being there with us every step of the way.

At 40 weeks, I had made many minor attempts to push my body into labor, including accupressure, walking, talking to Lily, castor oil compress, homeopathics, tinctures, and more.  But, at 41 weeks and 2 days, with all options considered and facing having Lily in a hospital at 42 weeks, I opted to try more vigorous natural labor stimulation techniques.  On Thursday, one of the midwives did a stretch and sweep of the membranes to separate the sac the baby is in from the lower part of the uterus.  I started cramping before I left the birth center.  This was step one in a long natural labor stimulation process recommended by the midwives. 

When I got home, I ate lunch.  Luckily, I ate lunch.  The instructions for castor oil said to take two hours before/after a meal.  I almost took the castor oil before lunch to start early, but time would show that it would make me too sick to eat much else.  Even though we believe the castor oil caused some complications that made Lily's birth a greater journey, it was the right decision for me.  It was either get labor going this way or risk ending up in the hospital with pitocin a couple of days later, which would have opened us up to a wider range of interventions and complications.

At 2:00pm, continuing to cramp from the stretch and sweep, I took 4 oz of castor oil, as indicated by the labor stimulation instructions, and then I started a third four-hour round of homeopathics and tinctures in two weeks. At 3:00pm, light contractions started, but nothing different from the few pockets of deeper contractions that I'd had over the past two weeks. I soon have an onset of the infamous diarrhea facilitated by the castor oil.  By 5:00pm, the contractions became stronger and more frequent.  My mom made a grill cheese sandwich, which I was too nauseous to eat more than half of at that point.  I continued to do the last hour of homeopathics, because I was nervous that the contractions would putter out and it would all be for naught. 

By 6:00pm, I thought this was it, that labor was starting, and I knew that I need to sleep.  When you think you're in labor, you need to sleep, eat, drink, shower, and take a walk.  However, the castor oil had done such a number on me, laying down was extremely nauseating, so I got up.  I tried to use my prerecorded Hypnobabies birth day prompts just for labor (as opposed to getting ready for labor), and I made it through the Easy First Stage Labor program once, and then decided I needed to try something different, because I needed something to coincide with my contractions.

Knowing that I really need to sleep, but unable to lay down, I eventually propped myself up on the bed with pillows.  The contractions during this night were too strong to sleep through, so I dozed off for 5 to 10 minutes in between each contraction.  I drank as much water and OJ as I could, and I took as many bites of fruit and peanut butter sandwiches throughout the night as possible.  It is important to keep up strength during labor by eating and drinking.  This would turn into a very long labor, so it was even more important that I got some food in me. 

When the sun came  up, Cortney and David headed over to my place to help me get down to work.  We took a long walk to help speed labor, and I had to stop to work through the contractions.  I could no longer walk through them as I could the day before.  Rolling on the birth ball in the living room proved to be an effective technique for minimizing pressure.  My back took the brunt of the pressure, because the nausea prevented me from using labor positions that would minimize that back pressure, such as laying over the birth ball and being on hands and knees.  When I tried any position that would minimize back pressure and/or speed labor, I threw up.  We continued to work in the living room, watching Once Upon a Time and other shows to pass the time.

The contractions became so strong that I couldn't move, couldn't speak, and couldn't listen during them.  This was a great sign that things were progressing.  The Hypnobabies techniques were vital during this period. I replayed the prompts in my head.  During contractions, the silent incantation of peace and hypno-anesthesia targeted through my midsection were very effective in minimizing the pressure.  I used the prompts to take myself deeper and deeper into hypnosis.  I also discovered that if I stroked my belly that it diffused the pressure quite a bit.  I eventually tried to sleep upright again during the afternoon.

At 7:00pm on Friday, when the contractions were four minutes apart, one to two minutes long, and so strong that I had to really concentrate through them, we decide to head to the birth center.  After finishing packing the car, we headed out, and made it to the center by 8:00pm.

I still could only sit up, and I had to stop a couple of times between the car and my birth room.  I couldn't even lay down to do an initial vaginal exam, so we did it over the toilet.  I was 5 centimeters dilated after being in labor for 31 hours.  I didn't want to have any vaginal exams, but after being in labor for as long as I was, I just had to know where we were at.  As Cortney kept reminding me during the week and a half prior to labor, the number is not an indicator of how much longer we have.  And, who knows if I'd hit natural alignment plateau before we got to the birth center or while we were there. Mayanne had previously told me that she'd like to do an initial vaginal exam, as well as a vaginal exam prior to pushing to make sure the cervix is dilated.

I rotated around the room in various positions in which I could sit up, from the birth pool, the toilet, the bench, and the recliner.  Around 10pm, I was back on the toilet, with contractions so intense that I stated over and over that I couldn't do this.  I couldn't do it.  And, I stated out loud that I was in transition, meaning that I was moving from active labor to pushing.  Everyone around me repeated to me that I had done it, that I was doing amazing.  I knew that, if I was lucky, it would be less than a half hour before Lily was born.  OMG!

My midwife asked me to get on the bed to do another vaginal exam.  The contractions laying down were so intense that I couldn't stand it, but she asked me to stay there.  It was intense, and I kept trying to wiggle away. She then asked me if I felt like pushing.  Sure, I sort of felt like I could push during my last contraction on the toilet, but we just got to the birth center; I couldn't be ready to push yet, could I?  But, she told me to push if I felt like it.  I wanted to squat to push, because that is the best pushing position, but my back was so shot that I couldn't hold myself up anymore.  So, I ran back to the toilet and pushed there.  Cortney said that it was just 8 contractions worth of pushing.  I wasn't pushing for very long, especially after they asked me to reach down and touch her head as it poked out.  I could touch my baby's head!  You mean that if I push a little harder that she could come out faster?  I began to intone force through deep vibrations in my voice.  I thought that I was screaming, but Cortney and my mom said that it sounded more like I was having an orgasm.  Ha!

So, at 10:43pm on Friday, October 26, 2012, Lily Anne Baldwin was born on the toilet in the Aspen room at NOVA Natural Birth Center.  The midwives immediately put her on my chest, and Cortney told me later that she did look up at me.  I was in shock.  I couldn't believe that I had just given birth.  I couldn't believe that after a day and a half of hard work that this little baby was on my chest.

But, there was something wrong.  There was meconium (a bowl movement) all over the place.  The stress of the castor oil and long and arduous labor weighed on little Lily.  The midwife waited a moment, and then clamped and cut the cord, so that she could begin to work on cleaning Lily's stomach out.  She had ingested quite a bit of meconium.

While that was going on, we were waiting for my placenta to deliver.  Lily's suctioning trauma made her reluctant to start to breastfeed right away, which would have help facilitate placenta delivery.  But my body was done.  It was just done.  The ladies were asking me if I was feeling cramping.  No, I wasn't feeling anything.  No cramping, no after-birth contractions.  They kept asking me to push the placenta out.  My muscles wouldn't work.  I couldn't pretend to pee or poop.  I couldn't move anything down there.  Because of the suctioning, it was almost two hours before we realized that the placenta was not going to deliver.  The time had completely run out, and I had to make the decision to go to the hospital to have the placenta scraped out.  But, I couldn't lift myself off of the floor, so I opted to have an ambulance called.  By the time they arrived, I was barely conscious, and a half of a dozen people had to lift me and the whole bathroom rug onto the gurney.

As soon as the IV was pumping fluid into me, my body started having massive after-birth contractions.  When we got to the maternity ward at the hospital, the doctor on call just had to tug a little and the whole thing fell out.  I opted to toss it out, because of all of the meconium that was probably still in there.  The doctor wanted to put me on pitocin to help the uterus make its next moves in order to prevent hemorrhage.  I didn't want to do that, but after talking with my midwife, decided to do it just in case I did hemorrhage.  Lily was safe out of the hospital, and she was born naturally.  But, as soon as the slow drip started, I began having lots of cramping, so I asked them to turn it off to see if my body would take over, which it did.

I was so exhausted that I slept.  Even after a nap, I couldn't get myself off of the bed without starting to black out.  None of us had realized just how much blood I had lost over the past few days.  Eventually that morning, I would have a blood transfusion.  Sure, I could have rebuilt my blood supply over the next week or two.  But, there was a brand new baby waiting for me to be her mama, and I couldn't do that if I couldn't walk out of the hospital.  I am very happy with my decision to go to the hospital.  I realize now that I wasn't going to be able to get myself off the floor of the birth center.

Lily is the most beautiful person I have ever seen, and I love her so very much.  Despite our slightly difficult beginning together, we are doing amazing. More updates soon, as I am learning to manage this new life with Lily.

Happy birth day, Lily!

Due Date Comes And Goes

40 weeks 1 day

So, babies are born on average at 41 weeks and 1 day.  Though things are definitely moving in the direction of labor, this little Lily pad is happy in her warm bed in my belly.  This picture of me yesterday really shows that she's moved down a lot, and there have been times these past two days where I feel like she could just fall out.  If I was only so lucky.

The contractions are getting more regular, but nothing to really indicate that labor has started.  It could still be another week before she arrives.  In talking on the phone with my midwife, I'll start another round of herbal tinctures, homeopaths, and include the castor oil over this weekend, if she doesn't poke her head out before that.  I made an appointment for a biophysical profile in the case that she runs over 41 weeks.  That on top that, the midwives will do a stress test to see if her heart rate drops during contractions.

Cortney talks more about natural induction on her blog, which prompted Elizabeth Gilhuly to ask " If no problem, why mess with nature?"  That is a great question, and the answer is complicated.

In my opinion, there is a huge problem with our medical system, and it is smeared all over birth, too.  It's obvious to the natural-minded folks that 99% of our medical system doesn't understand birth, babies, or health.  There is a lot in the labor process that it feels like most hospitals choose to ignore in order to make it easier on the hospital.  There is just a lot of concnern in the medical system surrounding babies who aren't born by 42 weeks between the possibility of the placenta failing, loss of amniotic fluid, or the baby having a bowel movement in the womb and breathing in fecal matter.  Sure, they can't tell you for sure when your baby is ready to be born, but they can tell you when she's been in there too long.  Hmmmm...

I am wondering if the midwives are required by Virginia law or by their certifying body to transfer care to a hospital after 42 weeks, or if that's just the birth center's policy.  Apparently, we do have more questions to ask at our next visit. When you have pregnant brain, it's hard to think of some of these questions.  Of course, the hospital can't make you do anything you don't want to do, but I'm highly suggestible, and I don't want to risk conventional medicine touching Lily if she's just a healthy pea fresh from the pod.

Yes, the due date is an estimation.  Healthy babies come naturally before and after the due date all of the time.  They base the due date on your menstrual cycle, which put my original due date as October 2nd.  However, my first ultrasound showed that her size put her at 6 weeks, instead of 8 weeks, so they adjusted my due date to October 16th.  The first ultrasound is supposed to be the most accurate, especially when she's so small.  My second ultrasound two weeks later put her due date on October 12th, but I stuck with the latest due date, because that also gave us the biggest window of time before I could no longer have her at the birth center or with our midwives.

I was not at all on board Monday morning when my midwife started talking about herbal tinctures and homeopathics, but then I realized that I had been resistant to a lot of natural supplemental suggestions they had given me, only to kick myself in the butt later.  I have to do a write up about the group B strep test, which I effectively only started freaking out about two weeks before when my midwife said that a positive outcome on the test put baby at risk to get sick and made it more likely to end up at the hospital.  I realized that if I just brushed off this new suggestion again, I could put myself in a position freaking out a week later when they start talking about the hospital again. 

Babies do know when to be born.  But, there are other reasons why she could not be coming right now that stem from me.  Even though I feel generally relaxed, I could be too stressed out.  I could be working when I should be relaxing.  I could be harboring fear that is creating adrenaline and preventing labor from starting.  She could be ready to come out, but it could be my body that is not ready because of whatever choices I've made.  So, some techniques to help my body release that anxiety could be just what is needed.  

So, for me, there are major risks to waiting longer to start some natural induction techniques.  If she's ready to come out, she'll come out.  If she's not ready to come out, nothing that I can do will make her come out.

One Day Before Estimated Due Date

Monday morning, I had what could be my last midwife appointment before going into labor. With it still not feeling as if she was coming out anytime soon, my midwife suggested that I think about some herbal labor stimulation.  We listened to Lily's heartbeat, it maybe being the last time in the womb.  It is not a sound that will ever get out of my head.  Wofm-wofm-wofm-wofm, real fast, 150-some beats per minute.

We went into the birth center's shop to take a closer look at the labor stimulators.  Castor oil seems to be the most well-known natural labor inducer, but that comes with 4 hours of major diarrhea.  As Cortney pointed out, that's not the way anyone would want to start labor.  There are some tinctures and homeopathics in the birth center's little kit, which my midwife suggested that I could start Monday at work, and then pick up with the breast pump.  I just picked up the whole kit just in case.

I arrived to work early, so I walked on the treadmill for 20 minutes.  Mondays are usually my slowest days, but this day was just busy.  I suppose that gearing up for the nearing November sweeps period and the impending presidential election make things super busy all around.  Blah.  Regardless, I still managed to get in four rounds of the herbal labor stimulator, taking a dose of something different every 15 minutes.  

After work, Nicole and Dave came over for a Seedgroup of the Oak and Eagle leadership meeting.  Corbee and Kali stopped by to visit.  Corbee swooped in from Canada to make sure she was here to welcome Lily into the world, and she wanted to make sure she could give pre-labor me a hug. You know, before I start working really hard.

My mom has been skeptical about some things.   I realized that the why of some of her questions are complicated, and we've spent the last ten years having different experiences.  So, the why is hard to communicate.  Looking through the bag of herbal tinctures, she wanted to know why I needed to take them, because they didn't look very natural to her.  She said that she didn't need anything to help her start labor.  It wasn't something that was easy to explain, so she commented that I'd probably just hand her a book, which wasn't something I thought I could do.  Then, I pulled out the Wise Woman's Herbal for the Childbearing Year to find that most the tricks in my little bag were listed under labor remedies.  It made us both feel better to read that these are known responses to naturally kick start labor.

My mom has also been thrust into this world of mine with all of these people, chosen family, who are strangers to her.  The other day, she asked me why I felt the need to have all of these people around during what is supposed to be a private time.  She's taken a little offense, but slowly adjusted, to the fact that she isn't here to do all of the jobs that Iris and Lily need done.  After spending a couple of days mulling over why so many people, I realized that I, myself, had forgotten why I needed all of these people around me.  The me of four months ago knew that the me of this moment would need all of these people around.  I am apparently still devastated that baby daddy turned out to be crazy, and while I thought him and I would labor semi-alone as most people do, I need my support system to distract me from that reality and to remind me over and over that we are loved and we are not alone.  It's not a task that my mom will have the energy to do along with everything else she signed up to do.  Each person in my support system is a shining star that reflects back at me all of the good things of life:  friendship, love, support, magick, caring, family, good times, connection, food, wine, home, happiness, purpose, resilience, late nights around the fire, babies, puppies, kittens, fancy dress parties, full moons, board games, etc. 

Two Days To Estimated Due Date

As I fell asleep Saturday night, I realized that, even after telling everyone that it's going to be awhile before Lily is born, I was starting to get gidgity myself.  With the realization that I just don't want to go back to work on Monday, I think that created a preliminary due date in my head.  But, I'm going to go to work this week, because it could be another couple of weeks before she arrives.  Let's not waste our paid time off watching BBC America reruns and sleeping on the couch.  While I feel great and have energy enough to work, I just don't want to deal with some of the elements of work that are really not my job.

I woke up Sunday morning to the smell of bacon.  It's a pregnant dream.  When I came downstairs, my mom was prepping a lasagna, blueberry muffins, and a bacon-cheese quiche for the oven.  We took a walk and then went to the super Whole Foods in Fair Lakes.  We were looking for a better desert selection.  We ended up with a muffin for my mom and a piece of cake for me.

In the afternoon, I went on a play date with Cortney and her friends Mary and Jen.  Mary and Cortney were playing Rummy-O outside while enjoying the day.  I went home, had lasagna for dinner with my mom, and then we watched Once Upon a Time and Revenge before heading up to bed.  It was a very relaxing day. 

I pulled out the breast pump that Salem passed down to me in an effort to try it out.  Using the breast pump is said to naturally stimulate labor.  I didn't know how long I was supposed to work with it.  I ask my midwife Monday morning, who said 15 minutes a day, or 15 minutes every hour, depending on how much you're really trying to start labor.  After that, I continued with my Hypnobabies CD's.  I have been rotating in the maintenance program between the Deepening, Fear Clearing, and Hypnotic Childbirth #1 and #2 tracks these past couple of weeks.  Last night, it was the Deepening track.

Threes Days to Estimated Due Date

39 weeks, 5 days

And, that guesstimate is really iffy.  Who knows when baby Lily is ready to come?  Does baby Lily even know?  I sure don't know.  It could be this weekend, next week, the week after that, or later. I am working until next Friday.  Folks are surprised that I'm still working. I'm actually pretty mobile, even here at the end.  It was referenced several times in classes and materials I read that active pregnant ladies generally feel better and have easier labors.  I'm hoping that's the case for me.  I do certainly feel pretty good.  I've been trying to walk as much as possible, when my energy level, schedule, and the temperature allow.  It hasn't helped that it's been 35 degrees upon waking these past few days.

Thursday, I went to what could be my last chiropractor appointment.  My spine is pretty straight.  I am sure the way I'm sleeping is causing some discrepancies.  I'm not generally uncomfortable, save when I'm sleeping or when she's got her feetsies in my ribs.   It's hard to support the top of my abdomen, so it's aches, this especially because baby is often using my ribs to stretch her legs.  My chiropractor was happy with how aligned my spine was so close to my due date.  Virgos are like the Vulcans of humanity, so I probably have good posture from having a stick up my ass.  It's cool; we know that's how we are, and we don't want to be any different.

My mom and I bought groceries for this weekend.   I was supposed to end up at a baller party for a former coworker that just bought a house, but I decided not to go.  Usually, it would be because I'm tired.  But, today, I don't want to be treated like the walking time-bomb.  I make people nervous.  I now understand the comments one of the pregnant ladies in my new mommies group made.  She said that when she walked into a restaurant, they would ask her if she wanted to sit by the door, acting like she could have the baby any minute.  Maybe that's the intuition of the people around us telling us that they can tell changes are happening.  People will tell me in once breath that I don't really look THAT pregnant, but act as if I'm about to pop.  That's something to note.

I spent yesterday morning putting together Baby Lily Dance Mix:

"Coming Home"  by  Diddy - Dirty Money & Skylar Grey
"The Fighter" (feat. Ryan Tedder) by Gym Class Heroes
"Die Young" by Ke$ha
"I Cry" by Flo Rida
"Lights" by Ellie Goulding
"Hard Knock Life"  by Jay-Z
"Goodnight Goodnight "  by Hot Hot Heat
"All of Your Love" by Hello Goodbye
"TiK ToK" by Ke$ha
"We R Who We R" by Ke$ha
"Forget You" by Cee Lo Green
"Price Tag" (feat. B.o.B) by Jessie J
"Dynamite" by Taio Cruz
"Till the World Ends" (The Femme Fatale Remix)
"What the Hell " by Avril Lavigne
"Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)" by Katy Perry
"Helena Beat" by Foster the People
"You Make Me Feel..." (feat. Sabi) by Cobra Starship
"Good Feeling by Flo Rida
"I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance With You " by Black Kids
"Stereo Hearts" (feat. Adam Levine) by Gym Class Heroes
"Moves Like Jagger" by  Maroon 5
"Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster the People
"Rehab" (Remix) by Amy Winehouse
"Blow" (Remix) [feat. B.o.B.] by Ke$ha
"Dance In the Dark" (Monarchy "Stylites" Remix) by Lady GaGa
"Umbrella" (feat. Jay-Z) [Jody den Broeder Lush Club Remix] by Rihanna
"The Sleazy Remix" (feat. Andre 3000) by Ke$ha
"Party Rock Anthem" (Audiobot Remix) [feat. GoonRock & Lauren Bennett] by LMFAO
"Brokenhearted" by Karmin
"Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)" by Kelly Clarkson

Signs That Baby Is Coming

And, oh no, this baby is not making her debut anytime soon, at least, that's what I thought until today, when the nesting instinct started to kick in..  There have been a few clues that she's on her way, but other missing clues that tell us that she's got some baking time left:

Imminent birth signs I've seen:

1. Baby dropping lower: Lily started dropping down into position a couple of weeks ago, and she's continued to get a little lower.  From what I've read, baby can start to drop in first-time moms a few weeks before birth.  Otherwise, the baby can drop as late as during labor for subsequent pregnancies.
2. Softening of stool: This started three or four weeks ago, not long after I started taking evening primrose oil and an herbal labor prep that the birth center recommends pregnant women start at 34 weeks. According to my midwife, this happens, because the body is making room lower in the body for baby.
3. Increase in vaginal discharge: This started three weeks ago.  According to my midwife, we gotta make it ready for the baby to come out!
4. Stronger/more Braxton-Hicks contractions: There has been more tightening in my abdomen, and some of these contractions have been happening lower, more like menstrual cramps.  Some of the tension has been in my back.

Imminent birth signs to come:

1. Nesting instinct: I am just starting to see this today.  I cleaned my room, and I will not leave anything not put in its place.  This is a sudden burst of energy that causes mom-to-be to clean everything in preparation for the baby, put the crib together, etc.  My mom, who moved down here from Ohio and has been a stay-at-home-preggers-caretaker has done everything, so I don't have much to do.  Next: thank you cards.
2. Bloody show: Some red spotting.  This is an indication that the cervix is starting to dialate, and that labor is imminent in the next couple of days.

Regardless, I am going to wait to see when baby Lily is ready to poke her head out.  The body, and maybe even baby Lily, know when it's time for her to be born.

Labor As An Initiation

People have often asked me if it is weird feeling her move around inside of me.  Not at all.  Movements aren't often felt until after the sixteenth week, so I spent four months waiting to feel kicks and punches, so it's been comforting.  Beyond the moments where she has punched me just a little too hard or jammed her little feetsies into my ribs, every movement just sprouts feelings of love for her and appreciation for the incredible process of growing a child in the womb.  I cannot tell you where in the world my stomach ended up, as there's a baby where that used to be housed.  When I breathe from my diaphragm, it's obvious that I have no idea where that went either.  This little girl that will come into this world with her own spirit started out as just a few cells.  She grew a new brain, new kidneys, a new heart, new lungs, and the code written from the stars into her genes has already started to express her personality.  It hasn't even really started, and yet, it's already been an incredible journey for us both.

In the Bradley student workbook, Jay Hathaway, the Co-Executive Director of the American Academy of Husband-Coached Childbirth, asked why not just give birth?  Why do women go through labor?  Hathaway mused on what labor is:

1. A warning sign that a new human life is about to enter the family, community, and this world.
2. A time of physical preparation within and for the mother's body.  
1. To prepare to give birth.
2. To prepare to become a mother.
3.  A physical preparation for the baby's body for being born, changing from an intrauterine life to an extraunterine life.
4. A period of time to assist the mother to grow and change psychologically (emotionally and mentally) for giving up the status of "pregnant woman" and for accepting the responsibilities of mothering a newborn.
5. A period of time to assist the baby to grow and change psychologically (emotionally and mentally) for the "first day of the rest of his or her life."

This really struck me.  Labor is a period of time to assist the mother to grow and change psychologically (emotionally and mentally).  Long story short, labor is an initiation.  It is a physical, emotional, and mental initiation of the maiden into motherhood.  It is a physical, emotional, and mental initiation of the child from fetus to newborn.  Just as many spiritual traditions guide people through initiations from students to members, labor is a transformation.  It is an experience that no one can fully prepare you for.  You just have to experience it yourself.  There is this club called motherhood, and one way to be initiated into that club is to grow from seed and harvest something the size of a squash out of your who-ha.  And, from what I hear (because I haven't been initiated into motherhood just yet), there is this transformation that could be described as a form of enlightenment.  It's been said to me several times on this journey that after this big ordeal of labor, in the moment new mothers connect with their newborns, they realize that the most important thing is their child and their family.  They refocus their priorities, and suddenly the things that seemed so important don't really matter. 

And, because of all of this, maybe it is a spiritual initiation for some.  For me, I do see this birth as a very spiritual experience.  Like all women, I am a manifestation of the feminine divine, which can be seen as the Maiden, Mother, and Crone, mirroring three phases of a woman's life.  By having a natural birth, I am reenacting an ancient tradition, an ancient initiation of maidens into mothers. 

Mentally Preparing for Birth

37.5 Weeks

I am down to the last couple of weeks of my pregnancy.  I am so very excited to meet little miss Lily Anne.  I cannot wait to spend the first days of her life cuddled up in bed with her as the breeze washes over us and the sunlight greets us. 

Some of the women from my birth class have been sharing their birth stories, which got me a little anxious.  A couple of them planned to have their babies in the same birth center in which I'm going to birth Lily, but they both ended up transferring to the hospital as the result of exhaustion.  I listened to their birth stories, hoping to glean clues about what they could have done differently to have their babies in the birth center.

To get my brain back on the right wavelength, I spent last week browsing my Bradley student manual and Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way. The hospital was creeping into my visualizations of Lily's birth, so I rewateched Orgasmic Birth to fill my head with images of pleasant, natural births.  I continued listening to my Hypnobabies CD's to bring my awareness back to the fact that what I believe about my birth time is the most likely to manifest.  I had to roll my brain back to visualizing MY birth story as I want it to be, not as I fear it to be.

The Bradley Method says that if you think you're in labor, do five things: eat, drink, nap, shower, and take a walk.  To try to prevent exhaustion in labor, I hope to go to sleep when I think that labor has started.  To try to not pay attention too soon.  It's going to be just another day, but when it's over, there will be a wonderful new Lily in the world.

No-Boil Cheese Lasagna

Oh. My. Goodness. It was the best cheese lasagna I had ever made.  So good, I almost ate it before I took a picture of it to show you.  It's made from whole grains, has lots of omega 3 fatty acids from the grass-fed ricotta cheese, and it's high in fat, protein, and calcium to boot.  Because we accidentally bought these no-boil noodles, it only took 5 minutes to put together.  What?  No-boil noodles?  That's right, my mom read the instructions on how to prepare the noodles and found out that there's such a thing.  Who reads instructions on pasta?  Not this girl.  Thank goodness someone in our house reads instructions.

Lasagna is usually better reheated, because of all of the water in the noodles and the pasta sauce.  However, these no-boil noodles soak up the excess water from the pasta sauce, and it comes out of the oven perfect.  I sort of threw a couple of recipes together.  We kinda used this linked recipe to help with the no-boil noodles and came up with this:

• 9 x 9 dish
• 6 organic, whole-grain no-boil lasagna noodles
• 15 oz organic, grass-fed, whole milk ricotta chese
• 8 oz organic, shredded mozzarella cheese (but, save a little for the top)
• 1/4 grated parmesan cheese (plus some extra for the top)
• 2 organic, free-range, vegetarian-fed eggs
• 1 jar organic tomato basil pasta sauce

Mix the mozerella cheese (saving a little for the top), ricotta cheese, parmesan cheese, and eggs in a bowl.  Place two dry lasagna noodles on the bottom of the 9 x 9 dish, and completely coat the noodles with about 1/4 to 1/3 of the jar of pasta sauce.  Layer on 1/2 of the cheese mix.  Layer with two more dry lasagna noodles, 1/4 to 1/3 of the pasta sauce, then the rest of the cheese mix.  Top the dish off with the last two dry lasagna noodles and 1/4 to 1/3 of the pasta sauce.  Then, sprinkle any mozzarella cheese that you saved, plus some extra parmesan cheese.

Toss in the oven at 350 degrees for an hour (or until the cheese on top starts to brown).

Parenting In The News

This week, several controversial parenting stories have come up in the news, and since they touch on aspects of parenting that I am exploring, I felt inclined to share my thoughts, because they touch on some natural parenting philosophies that I've been looking into.

Potty training in public: A Utah woman has her two children on portable potties in a restaurant. Because of their outfits, the girls had to strip down to the nude to use the potties.

My thoughts: While I don't have direct experience with potty training yet, I do understand that many parents get frustrated with potty training.  We don't know what was going through this mom's head.  But, I will say that using the bathroom in public is not considered sanitary or socially acceptable by any means.  Also, having your children nude in public is also not generally socially acceptable.  Sure, kids need to learn to use the bathroom, but a part of that training is the concept that they have to get up and go to a special room to do their business.

Professor breastfeeding in class: An American University professor caused a bit of a stir when she breastfed her baby while teaching a class.  The single mother found herself in a bind on the first day of her feminist anthropology class when her infant with a temperature couldn't be taken to daycare.  When the baby became fussy, she nursed to calm her down.

My thoughts: About to be a breastfeeding mom myself, one who hopes to calm my fussy baby at times by nursing, I hope that social acceptance of breastfeeding only increases.  While it was not the most ideal situation, not everyone understands the importance of nursing when possible over bottles and pacifiers.  She could have made other choices, but she didn't, and it should have been okay for her to make that choice.  It's just a reflection of how far we have to go until it is completely socially acceptable.

Banned from school for not vaccinating: Because she is not vaccinated, a high school senior was told by school officials that she would be removed from school property if she attempted to return to class.  The teenager believes that the vaccines include toxic substances to which she does not want to expose herself.  West Virginia is one of two states that does not allow for religious exemptions for vaccinations.

My thoughts: I am disappointed that the health department and the superintendent chose to exclude this gal from school because she isn't vaccinated.  It's different from the government requiring us to register our cars, get emissions checks, or pay taxes.  Government should not require someone to be injected with a substance that has the potential to cause very damaging and/or fatal reactions.

Free Range Kids: A woman who was called "America's Worst Mom" for letting her 9 year-old ride the subway by himself was trying to raise awareness for her parenting movement, Free Range Kids, by advertising that she was hosting unsupervised play dates for $350 per hour in Central Park.  While she wasn't really charging $350 for the play dates, she did publicize that she plans to be hanging out at the local Starbucks while the kids were playing at the park.

My thoughts: I understand and agree with this woman's message to an extent. I do wish that she would have explored other ways to get media attention that didn't make it feel like a fake media circus.  As a result, her message came across to me as not well thought out and not genuine, even though the philosophy on her website makes a lot of sense to me.  Along with not being so protective of our kids, Lenore Skenazy does condone teaching kids to be safe, such as the how-to's of using public transportation, listening to their intuition about strangers, and being able to ask safe strangers for help when they feel like they are being threatened.  I do believe that there are limits at every age and that they vary from child to child.

No bus for kids a mile from school: The public school system in Arlington, VA changed its bus policy and will no longer offer bus service to students who live within a mile of the school.  Many parents are upset by the change.

My thoughts: This sort of goes in hand with not being so protective of our kids.  When watching this story on the news the other day, one of the parents commented that her six year-old daughter had to cross four major roadways, including Lee Hwy.  When crossing Lee Hwy in Fairfax County to come home from the metro, even my late thirties roommates were nervous, and that was the only major road they crossed.  I cannot imagine a six year-old crossing that road and more just to get to and from school every day.  I don't believe that six years old is old enough to make a 25 to 30-minute, mile walk to school across busy streets.  A lot of parents commented about stranger danger, but I also feel that in a single city mile, there are many opportunities to get lost.  Going back to my point above that it seems like some kids would be able to handle the independence earlier than others.

Whole Grain Blueberry Muffins

So, I found a new snack.  Some of my recent pre-work trips to Whole Foods have included a fresh-baked, whole grain blueberry muffin.  Food can almost always be made healthier at home, so my mom and I trolled the internet for a simple recipe.  And, we picked this one to try first.

Topping

2 tablespoons packed organic, unrefined, fair trade brown sugar

1/4 teaspoon organic ground cinnamon

Muffins

3/4 cup organic, grass-fed, whole milk

1/4 cup grapeseed oil

1/4 cup organic honey

1 organic, free-range, vegetarian-fed egg

2 cups organic, stone-ground, whole wheat flour

3 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon sea salt

2 cups LOTS! of organic frozen organic blueberries (do not thaw)

Watch Out for Chemicals!

As the pregnancy hormones ramp up, one of the special tools working to keep baby safe in the womb is mama's grossly exaggerated sense of smell.  Mom-to-be's nose will help her determine when there is danger nearby for baby.  This sense is so hyper-sensitive during pregnancy, it can make a woman nauseous and feel the immediate need to escape the smell.  These smells are a warning that mom is exposing both of them to a substance that is potentially dangers to baby.

Since I have been pregnant, here are some of my most egregious nasal offenders:

• The fumes when pumping gas into my car.
• The exhaust of walking near a busy street.
• The exhaust when driving with the windows down in a lot of traffic.
• The horrid smell of walking into a well-soiled restroom.
• The fumes of lit charcoal.
• The strong chemical-based perfume of a woman standing in line four people up at Starbucks.
• Walking near people who are smoking or who have just smoked.
• Milk that was just about to expire, but the nose said that it was already starting to turn.

This on top of the food smells that told me to stay away during this pregnancy, including onions, garlic, and most spices.  While that's related, because the body is still telling mom to stay away from things not good for the baby (for whatever reason), that food smell isn't exactly what I'm talking about today.

Yet, there are lots of chemicals that we come into contact on a daily basis that our nose doesn't tell us to avoid.  In my organic household, we try to limit our contact with chemicals.  When I got pregnant, I stepped this up immensely, finding natural alternatives for toothpaste, deodorant, makeup, and more.  If I don't need it, I don't even bother with finding an alternative.  For example, I stopped wearing nail polish, and I don't use fabric refreshers, wrinkle releasers, air fresheners, or insecticide.

I know that I'm only 30, but I've been regularly using wrinkle cream since I was 18.  At the time, a coworker maintained that her grandmother looked so young, because she used wrinkle creams since she was 18 years old.  I found that they were super moisturizing without being really greasy and that they helped heal my acne.  The moment I found out that I was pregnant, I threw away what was left in my last container.  When I couldn't control the hormonal acne, I opted for raw honey instead, and my skin has been softer, even less greasy, and just as healthy (if not healthier) as a result.  And even though raw honey is expensive, a $6, eight ounce bottle of raw honey is way cheaper than a $20, two-ounce container of wrinkle cream.

And, these choices roll over from my organic pregnancy into my organic lifestyle.  The non-pregnant nose doesn't tell us as much information about the environment to which we're exposing ourselves.  Even if you can't smell it, and even if you're not growing a baby, I believe that there is cause for a lot of concern.  Granted, something like pumping gas on a regular basis isn't going to do someone much harm.  But, I believe that combined with all of the other chemicals that we expose ourselves to everyday, even just in passing, we tend to bombard our systems with toxins.  And, mixed with genetics and environmental factors, I believe that constant exposure can make it easier for cancer and other diseases to develop.  It is all I think about when I see the recent reporting of the 9/11 story about toxic dust and cancer, that no matter how fast or slow we expose ourselves to toxins, that they have the potential to cause cancer.

Here are many places in my life where I have made recent choices to remove as many chemicals as possible, as sparked by my pregnancy:

• Gasoline: I found that it's least offensive to fill up on a rainy day, though this is just a bonus and not always possible.  Filling up a tank also makes for less trips to the gas station.
• Cleaning products: I use green alternatives that don't have harsh chemicals.  Bleach is out of the question.  Whole Foods has many store brand cleaners, such as the citrus all-purpose cleaner.  There are many natural alternatives, such as Seventh Generation.  My mom, who has magnificently moved to help me raise Lily would appreciate something that resembles a cleaner with which she is familiar.  However, vinegar, hydrogen peroxide, and baking soda are all good cleansers for various jobs.  Though it smells, vinegar is really a great all-purpose cleaner.
• Shampoo/conditioner: I use Giovanni Eco Chic shampoos and conditioners.  There are many natural options.
• Hair gel and gloss: I use more Giovanni Eco Chic products.
• Laundry detergent: I use Seventh Generation Free & Clear detergent.  Baking soda by itself can act as a laundry detergent.  Lemon juice can be used instead of bleach. There are many recipes online and in books for making your own natural detergent at home.
• Fabric softener: I use Sun & Earth dryer sheets, which are biodegradable.
• Perfumes: I don't wear much perfume anymore, but when I do, it's Pacifica's Tuscon Blood Orange.  At the beginning of pregnancy, I would splash on some lavender essential oil.  Look for something plant-based, as a lot of perfumes on the market are just a mix of chemicals.
• Lotions: I don't really use lotion anymore.  There are lots of natural alternatives.  I use a homemade almond butter spa treatment on my hands and feet from time to time.
• Face wash: I use Burt's Bees Peach & Willow Bark cleanser.  There are many natural alternatives.  Some folks use raw, local honey as a face wash, but I use it as a face mask.
• Face mask: I use raw, local honey to keep away acne.   There are also many natural face mask alternatives.
• Face Toner: I use hydrogen peroxide as needed.  Before that, I was using Burt's Bees Rosewater Toner.
• Hand soap: I use Dr. Bronner's liquid castle soap in dispensers.  I have a travel size that I sometimes remember to grab to use when I am at work.
• Toothpaste: I use baking soda, but there are many natural alternatives.  I stay away from fluoride, because it's really just chemical waste sold to us, and it's only effective for teeth when teeth are encased for several minutes.
• Mouthwash: I use hydrogen peroxide, but there are several natural alternatives. 
• Deodorant: I use a mixture of coconut oil and baking soda.  There are some natural alternatives, but stay away from aluminum.
• Nail polish: I do not wear nail polish anymore.  There are some less-toxic versions available.  Well, I did get a manicure at an organic spa that had a non-toxic line of polishes.  But, the lotion they put on my hands made my skin peel.
• Makeup: I use the Zuzu Luze brand.  The word on the street is that Dr. Hauschka is one of the best, but it's way too expensive for my pocket.  Zuzu Luxe is still more expensive than whatever I was buying at the drug store, and that cost was hard to eat, but easy to justify.  Some of my hippie friends don't wear makeup.
• Lipstick: I use Burt's Bees lip shimmer when I do wear it.

I spoke a lot about exposing ourselves to chemicals, but when we make eco-friendly choices, we also take steps to expose Mother Earth to less chemicals.  When we expel these chemicals down the drain as we use them,  we're sending them out to the Earth.  Many earth-friendly alternatives break down more easily and cause less harm to the Earth. Regardless of whether or not we personally hold the Earth as sacred, that also causes less harm to us.

Bacon and Cheese Quiche

Meats, cheeses, eggs, and whole grains are foods that are good for pregnant ladies.  So, for a weekend potluck for said pregnant ladies, I googled a bacon and cheese quiche recipe, and Mom and I whipped us up a couple.  Whole Foods has some organic, whole grain pie crusts in the freezer section, but if you want to make your own crust, the recipe I chose includes directions.

• 1 whole grain, organic pie crust
• 8 strips lean nitrate-free bacon, cooked and crumbled
• 4 large organic, pasture-raised eggs
• 1 1/2 cups grass-fed, organic whole milk
• 1/8 teaspoon pepper
• 1 cup shredded, organic sharp cheddar cheese

Whisk together the eggs, milk, and pepper. Pour into the prepared pie crust. Crumble bacon over the top with the shredded cheese. Bake at 375° for about 30 minutes, or until quiche filling is set and top is lightly browned. Makes 6 to 8 servings.

It was a hit! And, the dads liked it, too.

Unassisted Childbirth

As a way to boost my confidence in my body's ability to give birth, Elizabeth Gilhuly suggested that I check out the Unassisted Childbirth Yahoo group, which is paired with Lana Shanley's work.   At first, I didn't quite understand what they meant by "unassisted" childbirth, but that's exactly what it is: women or parents who labor at home without the presence of any doctors, nurses, or midwives.  That's right!  It's just mom and dad at home ALONE bringing their little bundle of joy into the world.  For me, even though I have a midwife, connecting with the unassisted birth concept is about empowering myself and gaining confidence in my body's ability to give birth through other people's unassisted experiences. Exploring unassisted childbirth also reduces fear in the situation where I just cannot get to the birth center in time and I end up having Lily at home or on the side of the road.

Recommended reading from our Bradley birth class and on the Unassisted Childbirth email list is Emergency Childbirth.

I have two reactions to the concept of planned, unassisted childbirth:

1. WHOA! WHAT IF SOMETHING GOES WRONG?!

Whether alone or with a midwife, if something goes really wrong, the best recourse either way is to call 911.

However, I find extreme comfort in knowing that there is someone checking in with me, someone who has attended many births (in my case, thousands), and can identify problems that we don't see.  My experienced midwife will be there to answer questions we have in the moment, preventing us from getting too excited.  A midwife can reassure us that X, Y, or Z are normal during birth.  She can respond quickly if the baby is not breathing at birth.  And, she can take care of or provide support for cutting the cord, preform an apgar test, and other post-birth routines.

It is my non-expert opinion in this moment that an unassisted childbirth is only an option for women with low-risk pregnancies and invested birth coaches who have done research, taken classes, or otherwise become very familiar with the birth process.  Through discussions with other pregnant moms and women who have given birth, I strongly feel like women who were more prepared have better success with a natural birth.  I've chatted with some pregnant women who have no idea what to expect during labor, but that they just know that the doctor knows best or the drugs will take care of it.  Some of them are scared, because they don't know what to expect.  There are many women who want to have a natural childbirth, but do not understand what is going to happen during birth, so they get caught up in some of the challenges of birth.  A woman's confidence in her body's ability to give birth can make a huge difference in her birth experience.

This isn't always the case, and some very prepared women end up with medication or surgery, and some unprepared women can have a very successful natural birth.  Take my mom for example.  From our conversation yesterday, it sounds like she read some articles about what the medication does to the baby and decided that she wasn't going to have any of that.  She had two natural births with no birth coach in a hospital.  I keep talking about how my mom is an amazing woman, and her snecdotes of why that's true just keep rolling in.

2. OMG, HOW LIBERATING!

What an incredible concept to just give birth at home without assistance.  Though I am not one to opt for an unassisted childbirth, learning more and more about birth, I am pretty confident that I could labor without assistance.  I feel like Cortney and I have got this, and that our midwives are going to be bored just hanging out waiting for the baby to be born.  I can think of many reasons why this would be an option for some folks:

•  Increased control over the birth experience.  Many health care providers have policies and procedures that may not jive with parents' preferences.  For example:
• Most health care practitioners have a date past which they want to induce or transfer to a hospital. 
• If your water breaks, many practitioners view that as the clock has started ticking and they'd like to see the baby born within a certain time frame after that, because they fear the risk of infection.
• In some states, direct entry midwifery is illegal.  Certified-nurse midwives are legal in all 50 states, but most of them work in hospitals.
• Unassisted childbirth is free. Though I don't believe that cost should be the only consideration, it certainly can play a role. 
• Birth happens on it's own time, and no one will be there at all to measure how far along mom is in her progress.  This measuring can actually hinder the birth process.

From to Lana Shanley's website:

Modern physics has proven that the very act of observing something changes it. Birth is essentially an emotional/spiritual/sexual act. And just as most couples would find it hard to relax and have sex with others in the room, many of them feel the same way about birth.

Women’s bodies were designed to give birth. When a woman is physically and psychologically healthy (free from fear, shame, and guilt), babies can often be born easily.

Some women actually prefer to give birth completely alone. Of course, most of them would say they weren’t alone – God, their innerself, or the larger consciousness, was with them, guiding them each step of the way.

Unassisted childbirth is empowering for the woman, her partner, and her baby. Women who have given birth with little or no assistance often describe it as the most fulfilling experience of their lives. With no one around to tell them what to do, when to push, or which position to be in, many women find they know how to give birth.

I have a pretty comfortable amount of control over Lily's birth at the natural birth center where I am giving birth.  However, there are still places where conventional methods can intervene.  If I near 43 weeks, birth center policy won't allow me to deliver at the birth center, and would require a hospital birth.  If my water has broken, and it's close to 24 hours of labor, then according to the birth center policies, we'll have to transfer to the hospital. 

We had two incomes when we started to pay for the birth center, but if I was doing the whole thing alone, I wouldn't have been able to afford it.  My insurance only covered 80% of the birth center fee, but not a certified professional midwife.  For me, it only covers certified-nurse midwives.  But it covers most of in-network prenatal hospital care.

Sure, not everything will go the way I'd like it to go, but knowing that there are more options than just going to the hospital is refreshing.  Would I chose to have Lily at home with no midwife if the birth center's policies prevented me from having her there?  No.  I would certainly go to the hospital.  While I am totally confident in my body's ability to give birth, I do know that I would need help, and everyone will be more comfortable with at least one health care professional checking up on us.

Bradley Class #8 - Planning Your Birth

A few weeks ago, our Bradley birth class started to work on our birth plans.  Whether someone is planning on a natural or medicated birth, at a birth center or hospital, and with a midwife or doctor, a birth plan can communicate to staff what you want out of your birth experience.  Even though I have a lot of free reign at the natural birth center I chose, a birth plan can communicate some of the finer details of birth to our midwives and birth assistants.  Having traveled much of this with me, my birth coach and doula, Cortney, is pretty much on this natural wavelength, but our assistant birth coaches will gain insight into what I hope Lily's birth to look like. 

In class, we viewed a few example birth plans, and some of the gals brought in their own birth plans. Our Bradley teacher recommended that we print our birth plan with some color ink or on color paper, so that it would pop out in the collage of information that our health care provider has about us. She mentioned that keeping the language positive is ideal.  Make sure to have your name and your baby's name (if applicable) on the birth plan.  Also, the attitude with which we approach health care professionals, especially in a hospital, can help us meet our goals.  Even if we know what is best for our own and our baby's health, we go a lot farther with sugar, politeness, and some respect shown towards the people we're working with to bring this baby into the world.     Even though going to the hospital and/or having a c-section are not at all a personal options for me, and I will do everything that I can to prevent these options from becoming a reality, I do want to insure that I communicate my preferences in the event that things change course.  And, if we end up at the hospital, it would be better to have them written down, because there might not be a whole lot of time to communicate them otherwise. This is a draft of what my birth plan is starting to look like:

YES!

• Natural birth with no medication
• Let birth happen on it's own time frame
• Dim lights in birth room
• Eat and drink during labor
• Freedom to move around, change positions, and walk
• Ability to push in different positions, not just on back
• Privacy from staff is appreciated
• Lots of family and friends to be around
• Would like to be able to use birth tub and shower if desired in the moment
• Would like to be able to walk around the birth center, if desired
• Would like to rub in the vernix. Please leave it on the baby.
• Waiting until all the blood has made it to baby before cutting the cord
• My mom would like to cut the cord
• Immediate skin-to-skin contact after birth
• Opportunity to immediately start breastfeeding
• Would like to rest for an hour with skin-to-skin contact with baby before going home
• Prefer plant-based vitamin K drops (or none at all)
• To go home as soon as possible after birth, provided that we are not exhausted

If end up in a c-section, I would like:

• Coach with me in surgery
• Conscious during procedure, so that I am alert when baby is born
• Sutures to close up my wounds
• Immediate skin-to-skin contact after birth
• Wait to cut the cord until all of the blood has flowed into baby
• Breastfeeding as soon as possible after birth
• Time along with the baby after birth
• Rooming in with the baby
• All measures be taken, so that she remains in the room with me and on my bed during any procedures she may need

AVOID!

• Lotions/creams
• Laboring on back
• Vitamin K shot
• More than a couple vaginal exams
• Washing the baby at birth
• Pacifer

At the hospital, please AVOID:

• C-section
• Inducing labor
• Epesiotimy
• IV fluids
• Medications, including epidural, pitocin, etc.
• Electronic fetal monitoring
• Artificial rupturing of the membranes
• Premature rupturing of the membranes
• Vacuum
• Forceps
• Vaccines and shots at birth
• Medical procedures on me or baby without parental consent
• Suctioning the baby's mouth
• Eye drops after birth
• Formula/bottles
• Staples to close up my wounds (prefer sutures)

If end up in a c-section, please AVOID:

• Flouridated anesthesia
• Washing the baby after birth
• Removing baby from me, unless life-saving procedure needed

My Family and the Organic Preggo

Last weekend, my mom moved to Virginia.  My brother, nephew, and Dad were in tow to help out.  Here we are sitting around a makeshift table that my mom put together.  She took the milk crates she used for storage and placed the wrapped Ikea side table on top, so that we had a place to eat dinner as a family.  This after my dad made a dash to Home Depot to pick up some patio chairs.  We haven't yet bought a dining set.

This makeshift table illustrates one of the dozens of reasons why my mom is so amazing and why it will make such a huge difference to have her with me and Lily.   My mom is one of the most crafty and resourceful people that I know.  She can take junk and turn it into works of art.  She'll take trash and turn it into functional furniture.  And, she won't be deterred by my green, hippie work-arounds for me and Baby Lily.  That is, as long as she still gets to use the microwave.

After we ate, Dad had a list of projects that he wanted to get done.  He wanted to get cleaning supplies to wipe down the walls, fix the front door, fix the back door, and put together as much furniture as he could.   The maids only did a standard cleaning, not a move out cleaning, which is fine with me, because we could use eco cleaners on everything.

My dad would just wipe the walls down with bleach.  However, organic preggo here wouldn't have it.  We had to drive to Whole Foods to buy the eco-friendly, non-toxic, plant-based cleaners. I didn't realize how skeptical my family was about the eco cleaners.  That is, until they talked about how well they cleaned, and how surprised they were at how they smelled like they would actually clean stuff. 

My dad brought up painting a couple of times.  I started by nodding and saying "okay, we'll think about it."  But, the third time it came up, I tried to politely explain that we couldn't paint while I was pregnant or when the baby was young.  That I'd rather just leave the walls as-is.  BabyCenter.com talks about types of paints to avoid while pregnant, and some companies do make a more eco-friendly, no-VOC (volatile organic compound) paint.  But, since I tend to avoid as many chemicals as possible, I'd just rather not paint right now.  I mean, I'm the kinda gal who takes her own liquid soap into the bathroom at work.

I needed to completely adjust my communication style.  My mom asked about hanging up some air fresheners in our closets.  I knew that it wasn't obvious to her just how many chemicals those air fresheners leached into the air.  I thought about it for a moment, and I realized that we were going to have these conversations over and over.  It wasn't a bad thing, but most folks aren't going to realize where green hippies would see danger, and I was nervous about coming off as bitchy.  My response would normally be unintentionally snooty, "I won't use that."  Or, "Not in my room."  It's important to be as least offensive to my mom as possible while politely declining what I see as a toxic option.  It's also important for me to clue her in when I'd prefer a green alternative, or that a green alternative actually exists for whatever option, as she's going to be doing a lot of the shopping for the house.  So, when it comes up, I decided to say, "I prefer a green option.  If there isn't one, then I prefer nothing at all (or the conventional option)."

Dad wanted to get everything done before he left.  He has been so helpful, and he doesn't want to leave us with a mess.  I had to keep reassuring him that we have a huge support group, and lots of people are coming to help out with the move.  Yay family!

Making Babies and The Bulk Herb Store

Awhile back, I wrote about some teas for pregnancy and how I ordered the herbs to make those teas online from a website called the Bulk Herb Store.  I chose this company, because they offered many reasonably-priced organic herbs and the company seemed to be family-run.  And then today, I came across a blog that reviewed a DVD and book set called Making Babies, which was put together by Shoshanna from the Bulk Herb Store.  In her description of Making Babies, her approach to birth seem in line with mine. The more steps I take to incorporate natural and holistic principles into my life, the more connected I feel to companies who carry with them some similar beliefs about life and health.  Now that I think about it, a lot of the choices I make to be a loyal or repeat customer, or even to make the choice to buy from a company in the first place, have to do something with how much I perceive the company's ideals to be like my own.  I am sure to be a repeat customer at the Bulk Herb Store.

Shoshanna talks a little about her pregnancies and Making Babies:

I got my inspiration for the Making Babies series from the pregnancy and birth of my first child. I loved every stage of my pregnancy and birth! I enjoyed learning and researching when I had morning sickness and when I got indigestion. Every time I was faced with another bridge, I would research, study, learn, apply, and rise to new heights of excitement. I knew everything I did, and did not do, would make a difference with me and my growing baby. It is not always easy finding good food to eat, knowing what exercises to do, and asking the right questions to the right people, but I researched it step by step and enjoyed a healthy pregnancy and birth.

I grew up in an Amish community. Talk about making babies–whoa, they make a lot! No, I am not Amish, but I am a blood-bought child of God. Twenty-five years ago my parents were artists living in Memphis, Tennessee. They wanted to raise us five children in the country so we could learn the dying art of homemaking and the skills of country living. Hard work, herbal remedies, nutritional health, home births, and common sense were all part of the lifestyle in the Amish community.

In November 2004, my husband James and I found out we were pregnant with our first child. I knew I wanted to have my baby in the soothing warmth of my own home, so I went to talk to a midwife. I had assisted in two births before I got married, and knew I wanted my children’s births to be better. With good food, the right exercises, and relaxation, the birth of Jeremiah James was WONDERFUL! The midwife that attended had been to over 350 births and said it was the best she had ever attended. Since my firstborn, I never stopped researching the wonderful world of making babies.

I have been asked many questions about healthy foods, recipes, exercises, and herbal remedies from family, friends, and customers at Bulk Herb Store. In November 2009, we got pregnant with our second child. I was so excited about my pregnancy journey. I was going to have another baby! I thought about all the horrible births I had heard about, and wanted to show women across the world how beautiful pregnancy and birth can be, so I started the Making Babies series.

First Time Mommy Group #2

Today was the first time I had a chance to meet up with the pregnant women in my placement group from my first time mommy meetup.  For their last meeting a few weeks ago, the group went to Clay Cafe Studios and painted pottery.  So today, we stopped by to pick up their finished pieces, and then we went to lunch.

Most of the women in our group are due in October.  One of the gals is due in November and one in December. We are about to gain three new members that are also due in October.  Two of the gals are having twins.  One of the women with twins couldn't make it today, because she is now on bed rest and will be in the hospital because of a condition she developed.  All of us are going back to work after our babies are born.

Regardless of our differences, we have so many things in common right now.  We are all feeling different aches and movements.  We are all getting bombarded with information that we have to sort through.  We all need to buy cribs, car seats, and strollers.  We all have questions.   We are all going through similar experiences.  We all have to make our own decisions on what is best for our own family.  We are all going to need play dates.  We all need other women near us who understand what we're going through.  It might not be a place where I can talk about my choices, but I can talk and ask questions about being a new mom, which is also so very important.  For example, we've got a gal in our group who needs to be entertained in the hospital for the next two months with 11 fast pregnant friends who are all too willing to entertain, because it could be any of us.

I live in my natural birth bubble most of the time, and I forget that most women don't view life this way.  Out of the six of us there today, I am the only one delivering with a midwife and not in a hospital.  Most of the other women in the group are nervous or scared of birth.  I am very confident that my body can do what it was designed to do.  My mantra is that I am going to squat, she's gonna pop out, and that is it. Several of them expressed that they didn't care how the baby came out, just as long as he/she was able to get out. Where the last conversation coming out of my birth class was about other members of the class finding a doctor that would work with an alternative vaccine schedule, the mommy group women talked about how many of them had just gotten boosters and to make sure that everyone that came into contact with the baby had been vaccinated.

Just a side note about Clay Cafe Studios, which is a very neat concept. You can make a reservation or just drop in.  You pick out a piece of pottery, paint it, and then within 10 days, the pieces are ready to be picked up.  There were little banks, plates, and all sorts of things to paint.  I love getting folks coffee mugs, and they had mugs there that could be personalized.  And, even martini and margarita glasses, too!  They had set up the back room for a birthday party. And, a dad had taken his daughter in to pick out something to paint for mom's birthday.  How neat!

WANTED: My Birth Story

One of our assignments from Bradley class last weekend was to write our birth story.  The birth story that is the most ideal for us.  For me...

At 10pm, the contractions start.  The excitement kicks in.  This is it!  I tell my mom, since we're just chilling ta home.  I phone Peggy, Cortney, Kali, Corbee, and David to put them on standby.   Cortney, safely back from her vacation, calls work to tell them that she won't be in the next day.  Cortney comes over to spend the night.  My mom, Cortney, and I go to sleep.

That starts a chain of phone calls and text messages to alert the birth day support party that they will be getting more information in the morning.

We wake up at about 6am.  The contractions have started to get closer together, but I'm rested and still in good spirits.  As each one comes, I completely relax and don't tense up at all.  This makes them just pressure waves instead of painful.  We put our bags in the car and grab the prepped fruit and other food from the fridge. We take a walk around the neighborhood.

At around 8am, Kali picks up David from the metro and swings by to pick up Corbee.  They head to the townhouse. David is taking pictures and video, but he does not faint.  We are all super excited.  We play some dancing music.  If labor hasn't become serious yet, then we continue to go about our day.  We put a load of laundry in.  We make sure that the house is clean and ready for our return.  We make sure that food is ready for this next week.  Maybe Kali and Corbee run to the store.  I am drinking lots of water and eating some energizing food.  I am doing a lot of standing and rocking, squatting, and using the birth ball to roll around.

When I start to get serious about the contractions, when I'm no longer joking, and I have to concentrate on getting through the pressure waves that are now around 3 minutes apart, we head to the birth center.  This is around 12pm.  I relax in the car, and the limited space does not hinder my progress.  Corbee and my mom follow in my car.  Kali drives us.  Cortney sits behind me in order to help support the waves.  We remember that I cannot sit in the backseat, because I am liable to get morning sickness.

The birth day support party is alerted that we're on our way to the birth center.  Some of them are able to meet us there.  Those who cannot break free will connect with us when we return home or later in the week.

At the birth center, we arrive and there's only a few people there.  We have the run of the place and there is lots of privacy.  We are in the Aspen room, and there is plenty of room for everyone to lounge around in the waiting room, too.  The lights are dim.  It's almost dark.  We put on some relaxing music.  I have the freedom to move around the room.  We put up our glitter posters that remind me to RELAX!, RIDE THE WAVES, BIRTH IS WILD, THIS IS NORMAL, YOU ARE ALMOST THERE, SURRENDER / GIVE IN / LET GO, and that TRANSITION = 30 MINUTES (5 to 6 contractions).

The birth pool is full of water and I am free to get in and out as I please.  I can walk around the hallways of the birth center, if I like.  I am continuing to drink lots of water in between EVERY contraction and Cortney makes sure that I eat more energizing food.  When the pressure comes, I am likely to be imitating sleep.  I use the hypnobabies methods to just relax.  I just feel pressure.  Little to no pain.  Some folks are wondering whether or not I'm even really in labor.

The birth progresses on its own time. The midwives are there to make sure everything is okay, but they do give us a lot of privacy.  Both my body and baby know what to do.

I start to get a little shaky and confused.  I can't get comfortable.  There is a lot of pressure down low.  Even if I get a little worked up, everyone stays calm.  I am probably not going to want many people in the birth room after this point, so they can all hang out in the waiting room.  I try not to snap at people, but I can't help it.  I don't want to be pushy, but I have a hard time communicating what I need.  Everyone understands and just tries to stay out of the way.  We recognize that I've hit transition, and we talk through it.  We keep saying that this is normal.  We're almost there.  This will just take 30 minutes. 

We make it through transition and into 2nd stage labor. I have the strong urge to push. I spend a lot of time in a squatting position as I push.  After about 10 minutes of pushing, Lily's head is visible.  I reach down and touch her head with my hand.  I also use a mirror to see what it looks like.  There's my baby girl!

In 10 more minutes of pushing, maybe around 2pm, she is born!  She is confused and purple.  Her skin all wrinkly.  She is immediately placed on my chest.  Her little arms try to move.  She starts to cry a little, but I help her move towards my breast, so that she can breastfeed.  She gazes up at me fuzzily. We get to lay there for at least an hour to rest, connect, and just be happy.  She can breastfeed as much as she wants.

It wasn't painful at all!  Sure, there was pressure and hard work, but all of that meant that we were closer to meeting Lily!

She is not washed when she is born.  Instead, I rub the vernix into her skin.  The umbilical cord is cut only when the last life-giving blood has flowed into her body.  She is not given any shots.  Not even the vitamin K shot.  No lotions or creams are put on the baby.  It's just her and everything Mother Nature gave her.

While she is born, everyone pops some champagne and partakes in Lily's birthday cake.  I have some birthday cake, too!  David is snapping away with the pictures. 

It will be a happy birth day for Lily!