Finding Our Normal

It seems like we spend weeks chasing normal.  That is, what we want normal to be.  Even though we have the same routine, every day is different.  No two days are the same, even if we do the exact same thing. And, when we make a major change, such as dropping a nap, we find the first couple of days something that we can accept as our new normal.  Then, they fade away, as if a facade in the desert.  This only to spend the weeks after that trying to get us back there.

After we went from three to two naps, the next two days were perfect.  I would give up going to the gym and any activity in the morning (Le Leche League, Rise and Rhyme, library story time, etc) if most days were like that.  It was perfect, because Lily would wake up after 6:00am, easily fall asleep for naps and bedtime, and she would sleep on her own for 30 min to 2 hours.  For two days. Two days of heaven.  It was like two days filled with cake and ice cream.  Two days in June where it was my birthday.  I want our life to be like those two days.  It's like reliving that wonderful vacation in your mind.  Oh, this is the life!

When we find a normal that works for us, she figures out our hijinks, and those things stop working.  She gets onto us so quickly!  Every day, she seems to be pulling us farther and farther back to the way things were.  To this normal all too familiar that we cannot live with.  She wakes up between 5:00am and 5:30am despite my monumental efforts to keep her asleep.  She doesn't want to nap, but she is so tired and cranky for hours.  And, she won't let us lay her down for long before waking up.  That is, if we can actually set her down without waking her up in the first place.

We keep going through this pattern of finding our little bits of heaven and then loosing them, struggling to keep us from being sucked into the natural normal around here.  It's been a lot better since we dropped a nap.  I get to spend more time playing with my baby girl and the nap windows aren't so critical.  She does let us set her down for a little bit.   But, we are slipping back to the old normal.

Why Being A Mom Is Aweome

My favorite part of the day is coming home to wrap my arms around this baby.  She doesn't even wait for a kiss; she just wants to nurse to sleep.  She is so sweet as she falls asleep.  The way she stares off into nothing as her eyes slowly close.  We curl up together in the bed and she's out (for a few minutes, at least).  

Lily has the biggest smile.  And, her laugh is so intense.  Oh, that face.  That face!  The way her face lights up when she's happy.  She's often happy.  Lots of things bring her joy.  She loves to dance.  She loves to sing.  She loves to see cars.  When she sees you again after not seeing you for a bit, she gives the biggest smile.  She might fuss while trying to fall asleep, but then she'll stand up in the breeze of the fan, and her face just explodes with smiles.  She's also often laughing when she's really trying to be upset.  The ma-ma-ma-ma sounds like heaven.  Right up there with the da-da-da-da.

This girl has jokes.  She loves to play peek a boo.  She loves the thrill of a good scare.  And, she loves to play "gotcha."  She will wait until you are minding your own business.  Maybe you're just standing there.  Maybe you are walking away.  Maybe you're trying to feed her a small bite.  Or, maybe you're changing her diaper.  But, she will grab your arm, hand, or leg and start laughing in this "smart-ass" laugh.

Even though she is intense in the sense that she needs a lot more from us than other babies, we feel like we get a lot back.  That she's not just intense-bad, but she's also hella intense-good.

She's Just A Little Monkey

I read a recent post about toddlers who all over the place, and one mom commented that her whole view of her daughter changed when she realized that she's just a little monkey, that she can't help but run around.  And, that's true of Lily now.  She's up, down, all around.  I would get frustrated because she wouldn't want to just nurse anymore.  Nursing involves flips and rolls.  But, when I read that "she's just a little monkey", I realized that I needed to embrace our little acrobat.  Now, I let her flop all over the place, and she gets herself even more tired before a nap.  Win.

To All The Smokers

You do not get to claim The Outside.

To the office workers who think that the Lynn Street sidewalk is their smoking break room. To the man with the slow burn walking 100 yards in front of me all for the 10 minute walk to the metro that one week my car was in the shop during my pregnancy.  To the lady smoking next to the only door of Starbucks on Lynn Street right next to a no-smoking sign on the table. To the teenager who decided to smoke while walking down the street in front of me and my baby, leaving us nowhere to go to get away from you. To three twenty-somethings today who chose to light up five seats down from me and my baby while we were resting during our walk, instead of all of the other seats that were available far, far away from us. To the two business people who did the exact same thing yesterday. This is for you.

You do not get to claim the sidewalks, the entrances, and the outdoor seating.  You do not get to claim The Outside.

I feel for you. I really do. You have this thing that really makes it all okay.  You just want to take a break. I get that. Life is sometimes hard, and these little pleasures get us through. You used to be able to do it everywhere, then in smoking rooms, now not in buildings, or near entrances. But, you do not get to claim The Outside. Just because you are outside does not mean you are allowed to exercise your right to smoke. If this is not something you can do without affecting other people, then maybe this is a habit that should be left for the privacy of your own home.

I want to take a break, too. I want to be able to use the sidewalk. To sit outside where it is not stuffy and my baby can watch the cars. To get a damn coffee without feeling like I am going to choke and die because my air supply is cut off. I want to take a walk with my baby and not panic because you are smoking on the sidewalk and we have nowhere to go. I want to sit and drink my coffee without having to immediately get up and leave. I want to enjoy a meal outside without you walking by and trashing it.

Oh, and if you see a child anywhere near you and you still light up, you are especially selfish. How dare you. How dare you. To the twenty-somethings who saw the angry, disappointed look on my face this morning as we flew off he bench, I hope you have better sense next time.  

To the two or three people who put it in my face everyday, I do not care that you smoke, but I do not want to know that you are there.  Get it out of our lives.

Thank you,

One Former Pregnant Lady Turned Frustrated Mom.

27 June Crazy-Amazing

Roll. squirm, cry, boob, sleep.

Roll. squirm, cry, boob, sleep.

This process repeated itself about 10 times last night.  I kept saying in my sleep that I thought she was cold.  But, I didn't have enough awareness to get her PANTS.  We did have blankets over us all, but somehow, she kept ending up on top of them.  I mean it was 90-some-odd degree yesterday.  It could have been teething.  It's been the teething for the last 8 months.  There was one point I realized Daddy had bailed and found a couch somewhere with no squirmy-rolly-cryee baby.  At 6:00am, jealous Mommy came down with squirmy baby and said "Here.  I am going back to bed."

It was 7:00am when I realized that we were out of diapers.  OUT OF DIAPERS.  How the BLEEP did that happen?!  We just got two packs in the mail, I thought.  Not packs.  Cases.  I thought we just got two cases.  Maybe we didn't.  Maybe we did.  Did we really use two cases of diapers?  Fuck.  No, we didn't just use two cases.

Egg the baby.  Pack the stroller.  Head out.  BAM.  She might need an earlier nap.  No problem.  I got this in the bag.  Walk the 1.1 miles to the organic market.  It's 7:30am, and I got this covered.  Shit.  They don't open until 8:00am.  How did I screw that up?  Daddy asks me if I would like him to come get us.  No.  I got this.  Bam....?  Lily watches the cars and loves it for a long time. Then, she nurses while listening to traffic and playing with the blanket I'm trying to cover her with.  She loves that, too.

 When she gets fussy, I put her in the baby carrier I remembered to bring and we walk around the building.  We nurse more, and then the store opens, so we shop. When I go to nab some size 4 diapers, they only have 1, 2, and 6.  Or some training pants.  No size 4 or 5.  The hell with this.  I grab the size 6 diapers.  It's better than peeing all over the place.  Or, is it....?

On the way back, she fusses a bit before I throw on some white noise and she passes out.  I was stressfully walking and then it turned into a stroll.  All in all, a good morning.  Good walk.  Saw cars.  Sleeping baby.  BAM.

First Dance

Mini Bop was advertised as a lo-fi, family-oriented dancy party/disco up.  The intended audience was 6 months to 10 years.  It was located at the Old Parish House in College Park, which looked to be a great venue for parties or small events.  I still have trouble seeing a great event space and not thinking about the events I could be producing there.  Hmmm.  Must. Stop. Event. Planning.

We got Lily all dressed up to cut loose.  This girl loves to dance!  Okay, maybe she was a little sleepy...

dancing with a friend's toddler

taking a break with daddy

Play Date at PB and Jack

This month, my mommy group went to PB and Jack in Fairfax.  It's a great location for toddlers and preschoolers to run around.  They have classes, camps, and an open play area.  You can drop your kids off and get coffee at the snack bar in eyesight of the play area.  Even though most of our babies aren't crawling yet, this place allowed us a space to sit and let our babies roll around on the floor.  Not too many places are suited for popping a squat and letting the squirts roll around.

The older kids are interesting when it comes to babies.  One of the kids kept bringing all of the toys over to us that he thought the babies might play with.  One of the gals asked one of the kids to keep his distance, because he might scare the babies (i.e. don't step on our kids, please), so every 2 minutes after that, he kept coming up to us and asking us if he was still scary.  We moved by the window, and one of the employees made a barricade around us.  That just gave the older kids something to jump on as they were inspecting the babies, lol. 

8 Month Photo Bomb

Lily is 8 months old today!!!  This is a snapshot of what has happened in the last month:

And Then There Was One

Since I bought a new purse to help prevent me from destroying my 3rd expensive smart phone this month (seriously, best solution to a problem EVER), I keep leaving my key to the work pumping room all over the place.  It's no longer connected to my wallet, so I leave it on the counter in the pump room.  Or, maybe today it could have fallen out in the stroller.  Whatever.  My phone is still in one piece.  I credit the purse.

Anyhow, I swing by the desk of the other fellow pumping mom to see if I can borrow her key (again).  She mentions to me that she is not pumping this week.  That they are transitioning to just nursing at home. She talked about how it's bittersweet for her.  One of the reasons to stop pumping would be the prospect that it could go on forever.  When do you stop pumping?  Her little one just turned a year old, so this seemed like a good place to stop.  But, she keeps looking at the clock, a reflex from having these stop-and-drop pump deadlines during the day.  You just have to put aside what you're working on and make sure you get in there before you just miss a whole opportunity.

And, that's what I'm thinking.  How long am I supposed to do this thing at work?  Her baby is a year old now, which is crazy, since he was just 4 months old when I started pumping!!  I've made it to 8 months, pumping 7 of them (when I thought I couldn't make it 2), and it does feel like this could now go on for ever.  I hope to pump at least 4 more months--make it to one year--but who knows.  This whole pumping gig isn't as bad as it was in the beginning, especially since she's only eating 4-6 ounces a day.  She eats a lot of solid food.  Or, tries to, at least.

That means, it's just me using the pumping room.  OMG!  It is also a reflex to see whose pump bags are on the floor, to check to see who is there today with me.  It was S, K, and me.  Then, K#2 joined us, and we had four trying to pump 2-4 times per day.  During those months, you had to go when it was your slot, or else it was all crazy up in there for everyone.  Then, it was just me and the two K's when S decided to wean.  One week, K#2's supply just tanked, and like she ran into a wall, it just stopped.  So, it was just easy-breezy for me and K#1.  Now it's just me.  I suppose I really don't have a reason to get into my company email now that there's no negotiating pumping time.  Ha!

I am super happy that K#1 is free from the pump and onto a new phase of motherhood.  When you hear another mom stopped pumping or breastfeeding for whatever reason, it causes this reaction. It is a blatant reminder that our nursing days are numbered.  That even though it was a huge pain in the ass, I don't regret it at all.  That one day, I'm gonna look back on these moments and miss them a lot.  It was also really comforting to know that there were other women going through the grind with me. We've all freaked out about our supply at one time or another.  On my worst days, I'd take one look at any one of the other pumping moms and know that they were going through the same thing.

K said that she was reluctant to turn her room key back in.  That it's a symbol of the end of a very important part of her life.  She said that it will be in her drawer any time I need to borrow it.  I cannot imagine handing back in my key knowing that I will never go through this process ever again of pumping to provide breast milk, food, sustenance for my baby girl.

Oh, progress.  How, you taunt us with our nostalgia.

First Summer Solstice

In celebration of the Summer Solstice, we took Lily to the duck pond down the road:

saw a turtle laying eggs

She napped for nearly 3 hours and then we walked down to the park to check out the infant swings.  It was a hit:

Choose Your Sunscreen Wisely

I would rather sit in the sun than put on sunscreen.  In most sunscreens, the chemicals that block UVA and UVB rays actually cause cancer themselves!  Prevent skin cancer with this crap that causes skin cancer.  Why companies are allowed to sell us this stuff is beyond me.  But, that's another rant for another time.  And, we shouldn't wear sunscreen every time we're outdoors.  Vitamin D is very important, and the best way we absorb it into our body is through some exposure to sunlight.

Lily's new sunhat

We keep Lily pretty covered.  Bought a new sunhat.  Usually have some light pants on her.  Sit in the shade.  Got some baby sunglasses (which she hates wearing, but loves to try to eat).  But, she still gets some exposure to sunlight.  We're going to go swimming this weekend, so it's time we bit the bullet and bought sunscreen.  We've been meaning to buy the Mercola sunscreen online, but we just hadn't gotten around to it.  When I said I was going to buy a sunscreen, it was really nice that Sean made that face that I make.  You know, the "OMG, you cannot just buy suncreen!  It causes cancer!!!!" face.  Actually, he didn't just make the face, he said his concerns out loud.  It's okay, honey.  Your crazy hippie wife already knows what to look for.

Before putting anything on your skin, you have to do your research.  Look for sunscreens that ONLY contain the UV-blocking minerals zinc oxide and titanium dioxide as active ingredients.  Apparently, these sunscreens don't disappear in the skin, but I'll take that over harmful chemicals.  Mercola has a list of ingredients to avoid:

I was at the organic market today and bought Alba's Natural Very Emollient Mineral Protection Fragrance Free Sunscreen.  Alba has a lot of different sun screens, but most of them contain the junk that we are trying to avoid.  It only has two active ingredients: zinc oxide and titanium dioxide. It still has a few more ingredients than the Mercola brand, but no parabens or cancer-causing UV blockers.

Mercola sunscreen ingredients: 

And, the FDA set new standards for testing and labeling of sunscreens for this year:

Products that pass the broad spectrum test will provide protection against both ultraviolet B radiation (UVB) and ultraviolet A radiation (UVA).  Sunburn is primarily caused by UVB.  Both UVB and UVA can cause sunburn, skin cancer, and premature skin aging.  A certain percentage of a broad spectrum product’s total protection is against UVA.

and

Water resistance claims on the product's front label must tell how much time a user can expect to get the declared SPF level of protection while swimming or sweating, based on standard testing. Two times will be permitted on labels: 40 minutes or 80 minutes.

Manufacturers cannot make claims that sunscreens are “waterproof” or “sweatproof” or identify their products as “sunblocks.”   Also, sunscreens cannot claim protection immediately on application (for example, “instant protection”) or protection for more than two hours without reapplication, unless they submit data and get approval from FDA.

That is great news.  Let's just stick with the minerals and cut the crappy chemicals.