Lily and I were taking a walk yesterday at 9:02am when I realized that it was the third Wednesday of the month. Shoot. That meant in 58 minutes, the only Le Leche League (LLL) meeting that I could make would be starting. I suppose I could peg my 2nd broken phone in a month as the root of my almost missing this meeting again. My phone is my window to the world since breastfeeding began.
Right now, I need to connect with other women who are in the long haul with night nursing. Dr. Sears' "The Baby Sleep Book" mentioned that for those of us "in it", we would find help by connecting with other women "in it", too. I want to talk to the other human pacifiers in the world. The other women who feel like they are attached to a sleeping baby for 10-12 hours a day. The other women whose back and hips hurt, but whose babies are very well rested and happy. The other women who are trying to figure out how you get this top boob in the baby's mouth (they say you're supposed to be able to do it!). The other women who just want to run away screaming, "Get off me for just five minutes!" This so I can just brush my teeth. Those who struggle to keep the chores did in a way that other mothers whose babies now sleep through the night probably no longer remember.
I zoom us home, throw some diapers in a bag, put on my work clothes, and run us to the store to pick up the lunches I now won't have time to get later. Lily loves the store. It's one of her favorite places. She's so tired, I am sure that she's so tired that she will pass out in the car. It's just a 15 minute drive. She can pass out, and then I can walk her in while using the snap-and-go. Best invention ever. But, there is this cruel stoplight game. Every time she gets asleep, we have to stop before she can seal the deal. This makes for a very unhappy Bean. No problem. We can just nap when we get to the meeting. She's slept through several LLL meetings when we were in Virginia. Great plan. We got this.
The LLL leader of this chapter mentions that with a near 8-month old, I am an experienced breastfeeder. Who? Me? Really? She says yes, I have more experience than anyone in the room, save her (LLL leaders have to breastfeed for a year minimum). No way. I am not experienced. I have no idea what I'm doing. But, Lily was the oldest baby there. A two-week old preemie and a 5 day old baby have nothing on Lily. Even as the older babies trickled in, Lily was still the oldest baby there. Me? Experienced? That was a pretty cool thought. Yeah, I guess I did get this far. Huh. Whodathunk after the crazy crap that went on in the beginning.
The ice breaker question was "What was unexpected about breastfeeding." I said that I did not expect it to be hard. I glanced over at the pregnant lady in the room. What? She needs to hear it from someone. I wish I had known how hard it could be. I expected my baby to come out of the womb and just latch like she instinctively knew how to do. I didn't expect this birth trauma to set us back. I didn't realize that I knew nothing about breastfeeding. That I could know nothing about breastfeeding until this little baby was in my arms. That every woman has a different experience with every baby. That this might have been my easy breastfeeding baby. I was glad that I had sought out LLL before giving birth, because I knew exactly who to contact when I had problems. I wouldn't have written anyone, because I was shy like that. Before I had a baby, I wouldn't have wanted to bother anyone.
At the meeting, Lily is soooooo excited to meet new people that she won't go to sleep. She doesn't want to miss anything. She is so distracted. So, she's doing acrobatics off of me the entire time. Sleepy baby is a MONKEY. As she has gotten older, we've realized that Monkey Baby is a new tired sign. She wants up. She wants down. She wants over here. She wants over there. She wants to play with this. No that. No nothing. Wants a boob. Doesn't want a boob. Wants down. Wants her toes. Wants up. Smiles at everyone. Happy. Sad. Boob. Down. Up. OMG, I think we're going to have to leave this thing early. She is not going to nap.
You there. You with the 5 day old baby. You said you are jealous of how easily she latches? Trying nursing a swinging baby. I didn't say singing. I said a baby who wants to swing. Oops, I realize at some point, both boobs are out. I can't keep up with this kid.
The stoplights foil us on the way home. Damn stoplights. Construction. No nap.
I realize on the way home that I didn't make a point to mention why I was there. The issues of mommies with newborns trumps my desire to connect. Who knows when I'll be able to go back. This dropping a nap thing means she could be napping between 8:30am and 11:00am. This day, it should have been 10:00am. But, as I write this blog, Lily has been napping from 8:20am to 10:13am. I wrote the LLL leader a follow up email. Maybe I'll post on some listservs about finding other night nursing moms. Oh no, another coffee-type playgroup thing. I don't want to start another group. I just want to have coffee.
But, this whole thing might be defunct by discovering that we were putting her to bed too early. However, last night, she nursed a lot. I didn't sneak away until after 11pm, and then I was too tired to do anything. It's like breaking my sleep cycle. But, you can't choose when your free time happens. We will see.
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