Library Selections: Pink Pup and Little Pip

We finally made it to the local library recently.  I love the library, but I have no business taking out books.  I always end up with a fine.  Back home, in Ohio, the library would forgive fines once a year.  That's great, because I found a book in a box once that I had for 6 years.  Horrible, because no one else can check out that book.  I eventually did return it.  But, the library already forgave and forgot it years before.  Not in the DC area though.  If you have a fine, there is no cap for how high your fines can go, and then they turn you over to a collection agency!  Whoa!

As I've gotten older, I've gotten more responsible.  I learned that if I just take the books back before the due date that I don't have to deal with the whole late fee thing.  And then, I can take out more books without shelling out a bunch of cash!  I'm brilliant before my time, I know.

Anyhow, after we got a library card, we picked out a library book to read to Lily.  I wanted one with pictures of animals she has seen before and pictures of animals she hasn't seen before.  Last week, we got "Little Pink Pup", which is a true story.  This week, we picked up "What's in the Egg, Little Pip?"  I have to admit, the covers are a huge draw!

Do I Lean In?

The local moms book club is reading Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg.  The point of the book is to encourage women to aspire to attain leadership positions.  Happy where I am now, this book shook me up a little by causing me to think about pursing the next step, whatever that may be.  And for that, I sort of hate it.  Am I better off not expending energy?  Should I just stay here in a happy place?  Why can't I just enjoy my family?  Do I have to want more?  Do I want more?  Do I want to stay at peace here?

The path to more is not peaceful.  It is hard.  It is thankless.  There are sharks and backstabbers.  There are thieves and liars. It could end with failure again.  I have been trumped too many times by people who will watch me do all of the work and then swoop in at the last moment and take my opportunity.  I can still cut a bitch, but that doesn't mean that I come out on top.  Whenever I reach for more, I only walk away with intangible benefits. A bunch of experience, life lessons, a new path, dodging a bullet or two, etc.  But, I never reach my goal of getting to the more-thing that I set out to do.

And then Sandberg comes along, one of the most successful women in the world, and she asks other women to lean in.  Why does she have to do this?  I am happy here, but am I missing out on opportunities to get to this more?

Now having an infant, reaching for the top is no longer easy.  As a former pregnant woman in a high-up leadership position, Sandberg wrote about how women are at a disadvantage:

Of all the industrialized nations in the world, the United States is the only one without a paid maternity leave policy.  As Ellen Brave, director of the Family Values @ Work consortium observed, most "women are not thinking about having it all, they're worried about losing it all--their jobs, their children's health, their families' financial stability--because of the regular conflicts that arise between being a good employee and a responsible parent."

As a single and childless woman, I had an infinite about of time and energy to devote to the next step. I only had to worry about me.  If I expended all of my time and energy doing more, then only I suffered. But,  even in sizing up new opportunities, the addition to my family has created a severe handicap.  I am often exhausted, unable to commit to projects outside of my 40-hour work week, unable to come in early or stay late to learn new skills, and any brain power devoted to figuring out problems or learning more winds up solving baby questions.  Granted, I have found my current company and position to be very receptive to children.  But, moving up requires dropping some crazy glitter bombs that I just can't seem to scrounge up.

One day, a pregnant Sandberg walked into the office at Google, where she was a high level executive, and declared that they needed special pregnant lady parking.  No one higher up had realized it was needed.  She went on to talk about how while society sees men as being able to have successful work and home lives, women are bombarded with messages that they cannot do both well.  And, the common American work culture of most businesses is often inflexible to the point where to have a successful career means putting family on the backburner. 

Sandberg spent some time talking about how women lack the confidence to lead.  I do not find that true of my old self.  I was always very confident that I would be successful.  Another of her points rested on the view of women overall.  That men and women view men as being more capable and trustworthy.  I would not have believed her, except I find myself questioning her authority to write on a topic such as leadership based solely on the fact that she is a woman.  I even find myself doubting the legitimacy of her experience to be in the position she is in at Facebook.  And, this realization was shocking.  The prejudice of women by other women.  Wow, there is a real problem there.  She hit that on the bullseye.

While I am a risk taker, I am shy when it comes to seizing opportunities. I can blaze my own trail, but I have a hard time asserting myself on the path someone else carved.  I found greatly helpful the advice that Sandberg gave about how to go about forging ahead:

Given how fast the world moves today, grabbing opportunities is more important than ever.  Few managers have the time to carefully consider all the applicants fro a job, much less convince more reticent people to apply.  And increasingly, opportunities are not well defined but, instead, come from someone jumping in to do something.  That something then becomes his job.  Taking initiative pays off.  It is hard to visualize someone  as a leader if she is always waiting to be told what to do.  ...at a certain point it's your ability to learn quickly and contribute quickly that matters.  One of the things I tell people these days is that there is no perfect fit when you're looking for the next big thing to do.  You have to take opportunities and make an opportunity fit for you, rather than the other way around.

It echos the thought long lost that if you can dream it, you can do it.  I am tired of selling myself dreams that turn into nightmares.  Can I strive for more without putting my head in the clouds and winding face down on the concrete?

I am only 20% into the book, and Lean In has me thinking.  I recommend this book for all women.

Bradley Class #4 - The Coach's Role

 The loving encouragement from a trained coach can do more for the comfort and relaxation of his wife than any amount of medication. - Dr. Robert A. Bradley

 The Bradley birth method is a partner-coached natural birth method.  This meaning that the birthing mother has a support system around her to help her relax, manage pain, and keep up her strength.  Coaches should be:

• enthusiastic, 
• committed, 
• strong, 
• understanding, and 
• a relaxation expert.

Relaxation is key to the Bradley method.  The premise being that tension creates pain.  Birth coaches and moms are encouraged to practice many relaxation techniques together and spend a significant time relaxing each day.  Coaches are also encouraged to be familiar with where mom expresses tension first.  This because every person does it differently, and if the coach recognizes mom tensing up early, then he/she can help mom relax before a pressure wave.

Our Bradley instructor talked about how dads should work to minimize stress in moms' lives.  If there is a bill that needs to be paid, then dad should pay it.  If there is a chore that needs to be done, then dad should do it.  Keeping mom as calm as possible is so very important.  Stress during pregnancy can cause complications and defects in the baby's development.  I started to cry.  There were so many things that had been missing in the first five months of my pregnancy with Lily.  Thank goodness for Kali and Cortney.  And, milkshakes and grass-fed cheeseburgers.

We went around the room to talk about the strengths that we bring to this birth.  Cortney said that her strength was passion and my strength was confidence.  I said that her strength was commitment and excitement and my strength was that if I put my mind to something, I could do it.

We jotted down ways that coaches can enthusiastically encourage moms.  Cortney wrote down that coaches could check exercises and nutrition off of a list.  I said that coaches could ask questions about what mom is doing.  And, that coaches can research birth, too, and that being excited to share information is a big help.

Diaper Free Baby?

In looking into green and organic diaper options, I still haven't made a decision on what kind of diapers to use.  There are a lot of reusable choices, and I'll talk about diapers later.  What I've been reading about this week has been a diaper free baby.  One of my girl friends sent a link to Alicia Silverstone's review of the book Diaper Free Baby.  This book talks about the possibility of toilet training from birth, and the process of understanding when your baby has to use the bathroom is called "elimination communication" as opposed to conventional toilet training during toddler years.
 
I'm just gonna get off my chest that I found the subculture of "ECers" a little creepy.   I rolled my eyes when the book talked about EC support groups and how this one woman was so relieved to meet other people practicing EC so that she didn't have to be in the closet with it all of the time.  Instead of coming out of the broom closet, maybe she was coming out of the potty closet.  I know, I'm horrible.  That woman was just excited to be able to share her experiences with other people.  For that, I am very happy for her, because moms need that.  I can't lie; I might check out the local group to see if the extra support is helpful.

That said, there is a lot of value to the basic principles of having a diaper free baby.  It starts with the premise that babies aren't born with the desire to poo in their pants, and that we teach them to do that.  They want to soil themselves as much as adults do.  Parents can help babies adapt to using the toilet starting at any time, including just after birth, through a few combination mechanisms:

• Watching for signals the baby is giving off just before peeing or pooping.
• Communicating that it's time to go to the bathroom by giving cues (making a sound), such as "pssssssst" for peeing or grunting for pooping.
• Holding the baby in a comfortable position over the toilet, infant potty, diaper, or other container.
• Not letting the baby sit long in a soiled diaper.
• Not using super-absorbent diapers.
• Using clothing that allows for easy removal.

The author of Diaper Free Baby emphasizes that practicing this technique isn't required all of the time.  Babies can be outfitted with cloth or disposable diapers when out and about or at night.  Doing this for a few hours per day can have drastic results.  Even just paying attention to baby's signals once a week for a couple of hours can have a good impact on the lessening the length of time to potty training a child. 

I find this concept fascinating, because I completely believe that babies can learn to use the toilet at a much earlier age.  It also folds right into the concept that we can communicate with Baby Bennett prior to speech development by using hand signs.  Baby daddy and I purchased a baby sign language kit, because babies do have the ability to communicate and once we establish communication, we can better help baby be happy.  And, we can help develop our child's cognitive skills earlier.

My First Three Pregnancy Books

And, I say the first three, because I am sure to end up with a small library.  The day we found out that I was pregnant, I went to the nearest bookstore and scoped out what books were available.  I wanted to buy something that gave a general pregnancy overview, but I was also checking to see if they had any books about natural pregnancy.  I didn't find any books about natural, green, or organic pregnancy.  I did walk out with a copy of What to Expect When You're Expecting.  Then, I found a couple of great books at Whole Foods when I was wandering around one day.

What to Expect When You're Expecting

I spent the last decade either thinking that kids were too far off or that it was likely I wouldn't end up having kids.  So, I basically ignored most of the information coming at me about pregnancy and babies.  I wanted a book that talked about what was happening in each trimester and the basic stuff that someone should know about pregnancy.  What I don't like about the format of this book is that it mixes in general pregnancy knowledge with each month.  I was just keeping up with where I am now, so I had read up to the third month.  I just realized that I need to skim the book a little better to find pockets I missed.

Green Babies, Sage Moms

This book has lots of advice for how to have a green pregnancy and create a green home for the baby.  The author has had several children and adjusted her approach each time, and she talks about some of the non-green choices she made with previous pregnancies.  Besides the fact that my body is dictating a completely different diet than I was eating before, the biggest change that I've made since becoming pregnant was my makeup.  I tossed the most natural makeup I found at CVS and switched to Zuzu Luxe from Whole Foods.

The author talks about organic cotton clothes, which kinda freaked me out a bit.  Babies go through so many clothes, to keep them up in organic fabrics would be expensive.  And, if it fits for the baby, it fits for the parents.  This isn't just about an organic pregnancy, it's about us living organic lives.  I have bought a few pieces of organic and fair trade clothes.  However, would that mean that we should be wearing organic clothes, too?  Sean's comment on my question was that we wash our clothes so many times that any pesticides are likely washed away.  And, he said that since we're not ingesting our clothes, so GMO isn't as much of a concern.  So, I think the concern for Lynda Fassa, author of Green Babies Sage Moms, is that it's generally more eco-friendly, because we're not buying from producers that pollute the Earth with chemicals and genetically modify crops.  We're all for that, but it's okay if folks can't green everything in their lives.  Your thoughts?

Wise Woman Herbal for the Childbearing Year

The dedication ends with "So Mote It Be" so that says to me that a like minded person, likely a Pagan, wrote this book.  I haven't specifically looked into it.  But, it's full of information about herbal remedies and alternatives during pregnancy, from helping to conceive, how to not get pregnant, helping to finish a miscarriage (so sad!), and dealing with nausea and other pregnancy symptoms.  I haven't read it yet.  Still finishing up Green Babies.

Do you know of any other good books on natural, green, or organic pregnancy.