Parenting In The News

This week, several controversial parenting stories have come up in the news, and since they touch on aspects of parenting that I am exploring, I felt inclined to share my thoughts, because they touch on some natural parenting philosophies that I've been looking into.

Potty training in public: A Utah woman has her two children on portable potties in a restaurant. Because of their outfits, the girls had to strip down to the nude to use the potties.

My thoughts: While I don't have direct experience with potty training yet, I do understand that many parents get frustrated with potty training.  We don't know what was going through this mom's head.  But, I will say that using the bathroom in public is not considered sanitary or socially acceptable by any means.  Also, having your children nude in public is also not generally socially acceptable.  Sure, kids need to learn to use the bathroom, but a part of that training is the concept that they have to get up and go to a special room to do their business.

Professor breastfeeding in class: An American University professor caused a bit of a stir when she breastfed her baby while teaching a class.  The single mother found herself in a bind on the first day of her feminist anthropology class when her infant with a temperature couldn't be taken to daycare.  When the baby became fussy, she nursed to calm her down.

My thoughts: About to be a breastfeeding mom myself, one who hopes to calm my fussy baby at times by nursing, I hope that social acceptance of breastfeeding only increases.  While it was not the most ideal situation, not everyone understands the importance of nursing when possible over bottles and pacifiers.  She could have made other choices, but she didn't, and it should have been okay for her to make that choice.  It's just a reflection of how far we have to go until it is completely socially acceptable.

Banned from school for not vaccinating: Because she is not vaccinated, a high school senior was told by school officials that she would be removed from school property if she attempted to return to class.  The teenager believes that the vaccines include toxic substances to which she does not want to expose herself.  West Virginia is one of two states that does not allow for religious exemptions for vaccinations.

My thoughts: I am disappointed that the health department and the superintendent chose to exclude this gal from school because she isn't vaccinated.  It's different from the government requiring us to register our cars, get emissions checks, or pay taxes.  Government should not require someone to be injected with a substance that has the potential to cause very damaging and/or fatal reactions.

Free Range Kids: A woman who was called "America's Worst Mom" for letting her 9 year-old ride the subway by himself was trying to raise awareness for her parenting movement, Free Range Kids, by advertising that she was hosting unsupervised play dates for $350 per hour in Central Park.  While she wasn't really charging $350 for the play dates, she did publicize that she plans to be hanging out at the local Starbucks while the kids were playing at the park.

My thoughts: I understand and agree with this woman's message to an extent. I do wish that she would have explored other ways to get media attention that didn't make it feel like a fake media circus.  As a result, her message came across to me as not well thought out and not genuine, even though the philosophy on her website makes a lot of sense to me.  Along with not being so protective of our kids, Lenore Skenazy does condone teaching kids to be safe, such as the how-to's of using public transportation, listening to their intuition about strangers, and being able to ask safe strangers for help when they feel like they are being threatened.  I do believe that there are limits at every age and that they vary from child to child.

No bus for kids a mile from school: The public school system in Arlington, VA changed its bus policy and will no longer offer bus service to students who live within a mile of the school.  Many parents are upset by the change.

My thoughts: This sort of goes in hand with not being so protective of our kids.  When watching this story on the news the other day, one of the parents commented that her six year-old daughter had to cross four major roadways, including Lee Hwy.  When crossing Lee Hwy in Fairfax County to come home from the metro, even my late thirties roommates were nervous, and that was the only major road they crossed.  I cannot imagine a six year-old crossing that road and more just to get to and from school every day.  I don't believe that six years old is old enough to make a 25 to 30-minute, mile walk to school across busy streets.  A lot of parents commented about stranger danger, but I also feel that in a single city mile, there are many opportunities to get lost.  Going back to my point above that it seems like some kids would be able to handle the independence earlier than others.

Whole Grain Blueberry Muffins

So, I found a new snack.  Some of my recent pre-work trips to Whole Foods have included a fresh-baked, whole grain blueberry muffin.  Food can almost always be made healthier at home, so my mom and I trolled the internet for a simple recipe.  And, we picked this one to try first.

Topping

2 tablespoons packed organic, unrefined, fair trade brown sugar

1/4 teaspoon organic ground cinnamon

Muffins

3/4 cup organic, grass-fed, whole milk

1/4 cup grapeseed oil

1/4 cup organic honey

1 organic, free-range, vegetarian-fed egg

2 cups organic, stone-ground, whole wheat flour

3 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon sea salt

2 cups LOTS! of organic frozen organic blueberries (do not thaw)

Watch Out for Chemicals!

As the pregnancy hormones ramp up, one of the special tools working to keep baby safe in the womb is mama's grossly exaggerated sense of smell.  Mom-to-be's nose will help her determine when there is danger nearby for baby.  This sense is so hyper-sensitive during pregnancy, it can make a woman nauseous and feel the immediate need to escape the smell.  These smells are a warning that mom is exposing both of them to a substance that is potentially dangers to baby.

Since I have been pregnant, here are some of my most egregious nasal offenders:

• The fumes when pumping gas into my car.
• The exhaust of walking near a busy street.
• The exhaust when driving with the windows down in a lot of traffic.
• The horrid smell of walking into a well-soiled restroom.
• The fumes of lit charcoal.
• The strong chemical-based perfume of a woman standing in line four people up at Starbucks.
• Walking near people who are smoking or who have just smoked.
• Milk that was just about to expire, but the nose said that it was already starting to turn.

This on top of the food smells that told me to stay away during this pregnancy, including onions, garlic, and most spices.  While that's related, because the body is still telling mom to stay away from things not good for the baby (for whatever reason), that food smell isn't exactly what I'm talking about today.

Yet, there are lots of chemicals that we come into contact on a daily basis that our nose doesn't tell us to avoid.  In my organic household, we try to limit our contact with chemicals.  When I got pregnant, I stepped this up immensely, finding natural alternatives for toothpaste, deodorant, makeup, and more.  If I don't need it, I don't even bother with finding an alternative.  For example, I stopped wearing nail polish, and I don't use fabric refreshers, wrinkle releasers, air fresheners, or insecticide.

I know that I'm only 30, but I've been regularly using wrinkle cream since I was 18.  At the time, a coworker maintained that her grandmother looked so young, because she used wrinkle creams since she was 18 years old.  I found that they were super moisturizing without being really greasy and that they helped heal my acne.  The moment I found out that I was pregnant, I threw away what was left in my last container.  When I couldn't control the hormonal acne, I opted for raw honey instead, and my skin has been softer, even less greasy, and just as healthy (if not healthier) as a result.  And even though raw honey is expensive, a $6, eight ounce bottle of raw honey is way cheaper than a $20, two-ounce container of wrinkle cream.

And, these choices roll over from my organic pregnancy into my organic lifestyle.  The non-pregnant nose doesn't tell us as much information about the environment to which we're exposing ourselves.  Even if you can't smell it, and even if you're not growing a baby, I believe that there is cause for a lot of concern.  Granted, something like pumping gas on a regular basis isn't going to do someone much harm.  But, I believe that combined with all of the other chemicals that we expose ourselves to everyday, even just in passing, we tend to bombard our systems with toxins.  And, mixed with genetics and environmental factors, I believe that constant exposure can make it easier for cancer and other diseases to develop.  It is all I think about when I see the recent reporting of the 9/11 story about toxic dust and cancer, that no matter how fast or slow we expose ourselves to toxins, that they have the potential to cause cancer.

Here are many places in my life where I have made recent choices to remove as many chemicals as possible, as sparked by my pregnancy:

• Gasoline: I found that it's least offensive to fill up on a rainy day, though this is just a bonus and not always possible.  Filling up a tank also makes for less trips to the gas station.
• Cleaning products: I use green alternatives that don't have harsh chemicals.  Bleach is out of the question.  Whole Foods has many store brand cleaners, such as the citrus all-purpose cleaner.  There are many natural alternatives, such as Seventh Generation.  My mom, who has magnificently moved to help me raise Lily would appreciate something that resembles a cleaner with which she is familiar.  However, vinegar, hydrogen peroxide, and baking soda are all good cleansers for various jobs.  Though it smells, vinegar is really a great all-purpose cleaner.
• Shampoo/conditioner: I use Giovanni Eco Chic shampoos and conditioners.  There are many natural options.
• Hair gel and gloss: I use more Giovanni Eco Chic products.
• Laundry detergent: I use Seventh Generation Free & Clear detergent.  Baking soda by itself can act as a laundry detergent.  Lemon juice can be used instead of bleach. There are many recipes online and in books for making your own natural detergent at home.
• Fabric softener: I use Sun & Earth dryer sheets, which are biodegradable.
• Perfumes: I don't wear much perfume anymore, but when I do, it's Pacifica's Tuscon Blood Orange.  At the beginning of pregnancy, I would splash on some lavender essential oil.  Look for something plant-based, as a lot of perfumes on the market are just a mix of chemicals.
• Lotions: I don't really use lotion anymore.  There are lots of natural alternatives.  I use a homemade almond butter spa treatment on my hands and feet from time to time.
• Face wash: I use Burt's Bees Peach & Willow Bark cleanser.  There are many natural alternatives.  Some folks use raw, local honey as a face wash, but I use it as a face mask.
• Face mask: I use raw, local honey to keep away acne.   There are also many natural face mask alternatives.
• Face Toner: I use hydrogen peroxide as needed.  Before that, I was using Burt's Bees Rosewater Toner.
• Hand soap: I use Dr. Bronner's liquid castle soap in dispensers.  I have a travel size that I sometimes remember to grab to use when I am at work.
• Toothpaste: I use baking soda, but there are many natural alternatives.  I stay away from fluoride, because it's really just chemical waste sold to us, and it's only effective for teeth when teeth are encased for several minutes.
• Mouthwash: I use hydrogen peroxide, but there are several natural alternatives. 
• Deodorant: I use a mixture of coconut oil and baking soda.  There are some natural alternatives, but stay away from aluminum.
• Nail polish: I do not wear nail polish anymore.  There are some less-toxic versions available.  Well, I did get a manicure at an organic spa that had a non-toxic line of polishes.  But, the lotion they put on my hands made my skin peel.
• Makeup: I use the Zuzu Luze brand.  The word on the street is that Dr. Hauschka is one of the best, but it's way too expensive for my pocket.  Zuzu Luxe is still more expensive than whatever I was buying at the drug store, and that cost was hard to eat, but easy to justify.  Some of my hippie friends don't wear makeup.
• Lipstick: I use Burt's Bees lip shimmer when I do wear it.

I spoke a lot about exposing ourselves to chemicals, but when we make eco-friendly choices, we also take steps to expose Mother Earth to less chemicals.  When we expel these chemicals down the drain as we use them,  we're sending them out to the Earth.  Many earth-friendly alternatives break down more easily and cause less harm to the Earth. Regardless of whether or not we personally hold the Earth as sacred, that also causes less harm to us.

Bacon and Cheese Quiche

Meats, cheeses, eggs, and whole grains are foods that are good for pregnant ladies.  So, for a weekend potluck for said pregnant ladies, I googled a bacon and cheese quiche recipe, and Mom and I whipped us up a couple.  Whole Foods has some organic, whole grain pie crusts in the freezer section, but if you want to make your own crust, the recipe I chose includes directions.

• 1 whole grain, organic pie crust
• 8 strips lean nitrate-free bacon, cooked and crumbled
• 4 large organic, pasture-raised eggs
• 1 1/2 cups grass-fed, organic whole milk
• 1/8 teaspoon pepper
• 1 cup shredded, organic sharp cheddar cheese

Whisk together the eggs, milk, and pepper. Pour into the prepared pie crust. Crumble bacon over the top with the shredded cheese. Bake at 375° for about 30 minutes, or until quiche filling is set and top is lightly browned. Makes 6 to 8 servings.

It was a hit! And, the dads liked it, too.

Unassisted Childbirth

As a way to boost my confidence in my body's ability to give birth, Elizabeth Gilhuly suggested that I check out the Unassisted Childbirth Yahoo group, which is paired with Lana Shanley's work.   At first, I didn't quite understand what they meant by "unassisted" childbirth, but that's exactly what it is: women or parents who labor at home without the presence of any doctors, nurses, or midwives.  That's right!  It's just mom and dad at home ALONE bringing their little bundle of joy into the world.  For me, even though I have a midwife, connecting with the unassisted birth concept is about empowering myself and gaining confidence in my body's ability to give birth through other people's unassisted experiences. Exploring unassisted childbirth also reduces fear in the situation where I just cannot get to the birth center in time and I end up having Lily at home or on the side of the road.

Recommended reading from our Bradley birth class and on the Unassisted Childbirth email list is Emergency Childbirth.

I have two reactions to the concept of planned, unassisted childbirth:

1. WHOA! WHAT IF SOMETHING GOES WRONG?!

Whether alone or with a midwife, if something goes really wrong, the best recourse either way is to call 911.

However, I find extreme comfort in knowing that there is someone checking in with me, someone who has attended many births (in my case, thousands), and can identify problems that we don't see.  My experienced midwife will be there to answer questions we have in the moment, preventing us from getting too excited.  A midwife can reassure us that X, Y, or Z are normal during birth.  She can respond quickly if the baby is not breathing at birth.  And, she can take care of or provide support for cutting the cord, preform an apgar test, and other post-birth routines.

It is my non-expert opinion in this moment that an unassisted childbirth is only an option for women with low-risk pregnancies and invested birth coaches who have done research, taken classes, or otherwise become very familiar with the birth process.  Through discussions with other pregnant moms and women who have given birth, I strongly feel like women who were more prepared have better success with a natural birth.  I've chatted with some pregnant women who have no idea what to expect during labor, but that they just know that the doctor knows best or the drugs will take care of it.  Some of them are scared, because they don't know what to expect.  There are many women who want to have a natural childbirth, but do not understand what is going to happen during birth, so they get caught up in some of the challenges of birth.  A woman's confidence in her body's ability to give birth can make a huge difference in her birth experience.

This isn't always the case, and some very prepared women end up with medication or surgery, and some unprepared women can have a very successful natural birth.  Take my mom for example.  From our conversation yesterday, it sounds like she read some articles about what the medication does to the baby and decided that she wasn't going to have any of that.  She had two natural births with no birth coach in a hospital.  I keep talking about how my mom is an amazing woman, and her snecdotes of why that's true just keep rolling in.

2. OMG, HOW LIBERATING!

What an incredible concept to just give birth at home without assistance.  Though I am not one to opt for an unassisted childbirth, learning more and more about birth, I am pretty confident that I could labor without assistance.  I feel like Cortney and I have got this, and that our midwives are going to be bored just hanging out waiting for the baby to be born.  I can think of many reasons why this would be an option for some folks:

•  Increased control over the birth experience.  Many health care providers have policies and procedures that may not jive with parents' preferences.  For example:
• Most health care practitioners have a date past which they want to induce or transfer to a hospital. 
• If your water breaks, many practitioners view that as the clock has started ticking and they'd like to see the baby born within a certain time frame after that, because they fear the risk of infection.
• In some states, direct entry midwifery is illegal.  Certified-nurse midwives are legal in all 50 states, but most of them work in hospitals.
• Unassisted childbirth is free. Though I don't believe that cost should be the only consideration, it certainly can play a role. 
• Birth happens on it's own time, and no one will be there at all to measure how far along mom is in her progress.  This measuring can actually hinder the birth process.

From to Lana Shanley's website:

Modern physics has proven that the very act of observing something changes it. Birth is essentially an emotional/spiritual/sexual act. And just as most couples would find it hard to relax and have sex with others in the room, many of them feel the same way about birth.

Women’s bodies were designed to give birth. When a woman is physically and psychologically healthy (free from fear, shame, and guilt), babies can often be born easily.

Some women actually prefer to give birth completely alone. Of course, most of them would say they weren’t alone – God, their innerself, or the larger consciousness, was with them, guiding them each step of the way.

Unassisted childbirth is empowering for the woman, her partner, and her baby. Women who have given birth with little or no assistance often describe it as the most fulfilling experience of their lives. With no one around to tell them what to do, when to push, or which position to be in, many women find they know how to give birth.

I have a pretty comfortable amount of control over Lily's birth at the natural birth center where I am giving birth.  However, there are still places where conventional methods can intervene.  If I near 43 weeks, birth center policy won't allow me to deliver at the birth center, and would require a hospital birth.  If my water has broken, and it's close to 24 hours of labor, then according to the birth center policies, we'll have to transfer to the hospital. 

We had two incomes when we started to pay for the birth center, but if I was doing the whole thing alone, I wouldn't have been able to afford it.  My insurance only covered 80% of the birth center fee, but not a certified professional midwife.  For me, it only covers certified-nurse midwives.  But it covers most of in-network prenatal hospital care.

Sure, not everything will go the way I'd like it to go, but knowing that there are more options than just going to the hospital is refreshing.  Would I chose to have Lily at home with no midwife if the birth center's policies prevented me from having her there?  No.  I would certainly go to the hospital.  While I am totally confident in my body's ability to give birth, I do know that I would need help, and everyone will be more comfortable with at least one health care professional checking up on us.

Bradley Class #8 - Planning Your Birth

A few weeks ago, our Bradley birth class started to work on our birth plans.  Whether someone is planning on a natural or medicated birth, at a birth center or hospital, and with a midwife or doctor, a birth plan can communicate to staff what you want out of your birth experience.  Even though I have a lot of free reign at the natural birth center I chose, a birth plan can communicate some of the finer details of birth to our midwives and birth assistants.  Having traveled much of this with me, my birth coach and doula, Cortney, is pretty much on this natural wavelength, but our assistant birth coaches will gain insight into what I hope Lily's birth to look like. 

In class, we viewed a few example birth plans, and some of the gals brought in their own birth plans. Our Bradley teacher recommended that we print our birth plan with some color ink or on color paper, so that it would pop out in the collage of information that our health care provider has about us. She mentioned that keeping the language positive is ideal.  Make sure to have your name and your baby's name (if applicable) on the birth plan.  Also, the attitude with which we approach health care professionals, especially in a hospital, can help us meet our goals.  Even if we know what is best for our own and our baby's health, we go a lot farther with sugar, politeness, and some respect shown towards the people we're working with to bring this baby into the world.     Even though going to the hospital and/or having a c-section are not at all a personal options for me, and I will do everything that I can to prevent these options from becoming a reality, I do want to insure that I communicate my preferences in the event that things change course.  And, if we end up at the hospital, it would be better to have them written down, because there might not be a whole lot of time to communicate them otherwise. This is a draft of what my birth plan is starting to look like:

YES!

• Natural birth with no medication
• Let birth happen on it's own time frame
• Dim lights in birth room
• Eat and drink during labor
• Freedom to move around, change positions, and walk
• Ability to push in different positions, not just on back
• Privacy from staff is appreciated
• Lots of family and friends to be around
• Would like to be able to use birth tub and shower if desired in the moment
• Would like to be able to walk around the birth center, if desired
• Would like to rub in the vernix. Please leave it on the baby.
• Waiting until all the blood has made it to baby before cutting the cord
• My mom would like to cut the cord
• Immediate skin-to-skin contact after birth
• Opportunity to immediately start breastfeeding
• Would like to rest for an hour with skin-to-skin contact with baby before going home
• Prefer plant-based vitamin K drops (or none at all)
• To go home as soon as possible after birth, provided that we are not exhausted

If end up in a c-section, I would like:

• Coach with me in surgery
• Conscious during procedure, so that I am alert when baby is born
• Sutures to close up my wounds
• Immediate skin-to-skin contact after birth
• Wait to cut the cord until all of the blood has flowed into baby
• Breastfeeding as soon as possible after birth
• Time along with the baby after birth
• Rooming in with the baby
• All measures be taken, so that she remains in the room with me and on my bed during any procedures she may need

AVOID!

• Lotions/creams
• Laboring on back
• Vitamin K shot
• More than a couple vaginal exams
• Washing the baby at birth
• Pacifer

At the hospital, please AVOID:

• C-section
• Inducing labor
• Epesiotimy
• IV fluids
• Medications, including epidural, pitocin, etc.
• Electronic fetal monitoring
• Artificial rupturing of the membranes
• Premature rupturing of the membranes
• Vacuum
• Forceps
• Vaccines and shots at birth
• Medical procedures on me or baby without parental consent
• Suctioning the baby's mouth
• Eye drops after birth
• Formula/bottles
• Staples to close up my wounds (prefer sutures)

If end up in a c-section, please AVOID:

• Flouridated anesthesia
• Washing the baby after birth
• Removing baby from me, unless life-saving procedure needed