Do I Lean In?

The local moms book club is reading Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg.  The point of the book is to encourage women to aspire to attain leadership positions.  Happy where I am now, this book shook me up a little by causing me to think about pursing the next step, whatever that may be.  And for that, I sort of hate it.  Am I better off not expending energy?  Should I just stay here in a happy place?  Why can't I just enjoy my family?  Do I have to want more?  Do I want more?  Do I want to stay at peace here?

The path to more is not peaceful.  It is hard.  It is thankless.  There are sharks and backstabbers.  There are thieves and liars. It could end with failure again.  I have been trumped too many times by people who will watch me do all of the work and then swoop in at the last moment and take my opportunity.  I can still cut a bitch, but that doesn't mean that I come out on top.  Whenever I reach for more, I only walk away with intangible benefits. A bunch of experience, life lessons, a new path, dodging a bullet or two, etc.  But, I never reach my goal of getting to the more-thing that I set out to do.

And then Sandberg comes along, one of the most successful women in the world, and she asks other women to lean in.  Why does she have to do this?  I am happy here, but am I missing out on opportunities to get to this more?

Now having an infant, reaching for the top is no longer easy.  As a former pregnant woman in a high-up leadership position, Sandberg wrote about how women are at a disadvantage:

Of all the industrialized nations in the world, the United States is the only one without a paid maternity leave policy.  As Ellen Brave, director of the Family Values @ Work consortium observed, most "women are not thinking about having it all, they're worried about losing it all--their jobs, their children's health, their families' financial stability--because of the regular conflicts that arise between being a good employee and a responsible parent."

As a single and childless woman, I had an infinite about of time and energy to devote to the next step. I only had to worry about me.  If I expended all of my time and energy doing more, then only I suffered. But,  even in sizing up new opportunities, the addition to my family has created a severe handicap.  I am often exhausted, unable to commit to projects outside of my 40-hour work week, unable to come in early or stay late to learn new skills, and any brain power devoted to figuring out problems or learning more winds up solving baby questions.  Granted, I have found my current company and position to be very receptive to children.  But, moving up requires dropping some crazy glitter bombs that I just can't seem to scrounge up.

One day, a pregnant Sandberg walked into the office at Google, where she was a high level executive, and declared that they needed special pregnant lady parking.  No one higher up had realized it was needed.  She went on to talk about how while society sees men as being able to have successful work and home lives, women are bombarded with messages that they cannot do both well.  And, the common American work culture of most businesses is often inflexible to the point where to have a successful career means putting family on the backburner. 

Sandberg spent some time talking about how women lack the confidence to lead.  I do not find that true of my old self.  I was always very confident that I would be successful.  Another of her points rested on the view of women overall.  That men and women view men as being more capable and trustworthy.  I would not have believed her, except I find myself questioning her authority to write on a topic such as leadership based solely on the fact that she is a woman.  I even find myself doubting the legitimacy of her experience to be in the position she is in at Facebook.  And, this realization was shocking.  The prejudice of women by other women.  Wow, there is a real problem there.  She hit that on the bullseye.

While I am a risk taker, I am shy when it comes to seizing opportunities. I can blaze my own trail, but I have a hard time asserting myself on the path someone else carved.  I found greatly helpful the advice that Sandberg gave about how to go about forging ahead:

Given how fast the world moves today, grabbing opportunities is more important than ever.  Few managers have the time to carefully consider all the applicants fro a job, much less convince more reticent people to apply.  And increasingly, opportunities are not well defined but, instead, come from someone jumping in to do something.  That something then becomes his job.  Taking initiative pays off.  It is hard to visualize someone  as a leader if she is always waiting to be told what to do.  ...at a certain point it's your ability to learn quickly and contribute quickly that matters.  One of the things I tell people these days is that there is no perfect fit when you're looking for the next big thing to do.  You have to take opportunities and make an opportunity fit for you, rather than the other way around.

It echos the thought long lost that if you can dream it, you can do it.  I am tired of selling myself dreams that turn into nightmares.  Can I strive for more without putting my head in the clouds and winding face down on the concrete?

I am only 20% into the book, and Lean In has me thinking.  I recommend this book for all women.