Zombie Phase

Me and Lily at 4:20am
in the nursery

It was 12:40pm, and I was seriously contemplating just passing out in the pump room.  No one would find me back here.  Few people know where this room is located.  My phone is always on silent anyway.  The chair is cushiony.   I could put my feet up on the table.  The door locks from the inside and it requires a special key to open.  The refrigerator hum provides a nice white noise to which I'm now very familiar.

I am the walking dead today.  I rarely have days like this, but Lily's been waking up and having trouble falling back to sleep lately.  Lily kept Mommy up between 3am and 5am.  She eventually passed out sprawled out on my chest, listening to my heartbeat, at around 4:00am, but I had to get her back to the bed before I could fall asleep, too.  I was telling myself that if she didn't fall asleep by 4:00am, I was going to go wake up Daddy and tell him it was his turn.  About 30 minutes later, she was asleep enough for me to move, but I was so awake by that point that I couldn't get myself back to sleep for awhile.  When Lily woke me up at 6:40am, I was so exhausted, I couldn't even get out of bed.  I had to have Daddy come take her to Grandma.  When I tried to function at 7:40am, I was a wreck.  My mom told me to go back to bed and that she'd bring Lily upstairs for nap time.

I had finally pulled myself out of bed at 9:00am, and I only got out of bed because sleeping any longer would mean that I would need to pump.  I couldn't imagine getting myself together enough to be able to leave the house in a little more than an hour.  I contemplated calling off work, but I don't think lack of sleep due to baby is a viable reason to take a sick day.  Then again, I haven't missed work since getting stomach flu on New Year's Eve.  I ran out of the cold, bitter coffee Daddy had made at 7am about halfway through my trip to work.  Getting out of the car, everything hurt a lot more than before.  Silly traffic.

I read a comment today that a parent wish they knew that all of it was a phase and to not get too wrapped up in trying to fix it.  So, this is my Zombie Phase.  Speaking of zombies, I need to go find me more coffee.