Stabby Friday Makes for Crabby Mommy

No, don't go to work, Mommy!

Friday, I don't understand why the BLEEP you have to be stupid before a perfectly relaxing weekend. Seriously. Come on.  Last Friday started out with insane mommy sleep deprivation. And then this:

"Shhhh.  You're being too loud.  I can't play my game."

That was my nephew, who loves to come upstairs and play online games on our big TV, telling us to be quiet several times.  He's six.  Six and a HALF, Aunt Becky.  It was cute.  But, to the insane woman falling apart trying to get ready for work and take care of the baby, it wasn't cute that day.  Still cute. 

"Be quiet.  I can't hear my game!"   LOL!  You just wait until you're thirty and own a house and your six year old nieces and nephews are telling you to pipe down, buddy.

The inane (read: REDONK) state of traffic lately prompted me to check it 15 minutes before I would normally leave.  Shit.  It's red/black for half of the trip to work.  Accident on the 14th Street Bridge A-gen.  I don't understand why traffic is so jacked up lately.  Have to throw everything in the car and leave immediately.  Kiss the baby and RUN!

As I was leaving our neighborhood on my trek downtown, a group of teenagers decided to cross the street in front of my car. This after my light turned green.  WTF!  They see my car driving towards them through the intersection.  They see the green light.  They see the little man on the sign telling them DON'T WALK.  They decide that they are going to try their luck anyway.  How do they know I'm not one of those jerks who won't just keep going.  I slow but keep moving forward to let them know that yes, I have the right of way, and yes, I fully intend to use that right of way.  

But, these kids stop in the middle of the road.  One of them tells me that I had to stop because I am in the car.  NO, JERKFACE.  I have the green light, and I am going straight.  I roll down my window and yell something about traffic laws at them.  Damn it, where are your parents?  I am sure they didn't teach you run out into the road without looking both ways.  Who the bleep am I kidding?  I've lived here long enough to know that's probably exactly what their parents taught them.  I had the right of way.  I could have just kept going.  Then, again, my colleagues would have had to come out and report on the story of the crazed working mom running down mouthy idiots.  Embarassing.

I finally got to work.  Got a bomb parking spot by the door.  BAM.  As I'm getting out of my car, two of the parking attendants tell me that I need to move my car, because the spot is reserved.  There is a reserved sign for that spot over THERE.  And a sign for this other spot over THERE, but nothing on that spot I parked in that said it was reserved.  One of the attendants said that ALL of the spots in that row are reserved.  I asked him if I could park in the spot across the way, also not marked reserved, yet next to other spots that are reserved.  He said that, yes, I could park there.  What the hell kind of sense does that make?  I mentioned something about how I didn't pay $150 a month to go through this parking bull shit all of the time.  

Oh?  You're a MONTHLY parker?  We thought you pulled a ticket.  You can park there.  No problem.

It's not reserved?

Reserved for monthly parkers.

OMG.  This shit makes me mental. We apologize to each other, laugh, shake hands, and part ways. 

After I got very vocal with several people Friday morning, I decided to check my horoscope, which I haven't done in years:

With respect to your immediate environment, you are likely to feel more self-assertive than usual. This can be a good time for telling people how you feel about anything, for you are not willing to let others get away with intruding on your rights.

Oops. I should have stayed in bed cuddled up with my Lily.

Rolly Polly Baby

So, this baby girl of ours loves her Daddy.  She loves Daddy so much that she must be touching both of us while sleeping.  This process has been repeating itself over and over at night lately.  Lily falls off the boob, eventually wakes up, realizes there's no boob, finds boob, realizes she's not touching Daddy, rolls until she finds Daddy, rolls back to boob, back to Daddy, back to Mommy, back to sleep.  Or something like that. 

Not only does this process wake up Mommy, but it also wakes up Daddy.  I don't mind.  It is the long hours of being awake at night and the early wake up times that get me.  But Daddy was suffering from being woken up too many times.  He refuses to sleep on the futon in the guest room, because he doesn't get to see Lily much as it is.  Besides that, he is just tickled pink that she cares enough about him to come find him in the bed at night.  Last night, he did sleep in our bed, which was a good gamble.  Lily only rolled over to him once.  And, after cuddling him for a few minutes, she spent most of the night sound asleep between us.

"Wait It Out" Method

The Dr. Sears Baby Sleep Book mentioned that mamas who are long term side lying nursing on demand (i.e. human pacifiers) should find other mamas who are doing the same.   I got frisky and joined some Facebook groups, including something called the "Wait It Out" Method.  Yes.  That's exactly what I'm doing, even though it's the hardest thing I've ever done.  We're waiting it out.  We're waiting until Lily decides she's gonna sleep longer.  Until she just eventually sleeps through the night.  For us, this means cosleeping, nursing to sleep, and nursing on demand (even at night).  I stay in the bed with Lily as long as she needs, and it's really hard on the weeks when I don't get any time to myself.  I relish in watching her fall asleep and getting to cuddle with her over and over.  For us, we have to respond to her nap and night wakings right away, or else Lily tends to wake up too much to go right back to sleep.  We want this journey to be the most comfortable for her.  She's happy, and that makes us happy. To each parent their own way.

Some recent posts from this Facebook group made me feel right at home:

Help! I think my baby has been abducted by aliens and replaced with a fake!! He fell asleep in under 5 minutes and not attached to the boob!

My lo cut tooth #5 last week. ..and is currently cutting #6. After several attempts, I realised that I am definitely not getting my nipple back any time soon Haha can someone bring me a sandwich? I'm hungry!Lol

How I feel when LOs pediatrician said I MUST do CIO because I'm just letting my LO manipulate me...GRIN AND IGNORE IT

I stumbled upon a mom in the local moms group who is doing the same with the long term side lying night nursing.  Man, is it good to have someone else to bounce stories off of and complain to who is not just going to tell me to night wean or cry it out.  Each baby is different and we know that Lily will have none of that weaning or crying business.

Mother's Rooms

I wish that more stores would dedicate decent space for mother's rooms.  It is a huge effort to get us from one place to another, and the trip is sometimes a little traumatizing for both of us.  I really appreciate it when there is a space where I can nurse Lily, change her diaper, and let us rest for a bit before heading out again.  When a store has a decent mother's room, I know that if I can just get to the store, it will be okay.

Since the trend is for most people to have kids, and since moms are in the target shopping audience for advertisers, I think it would be very beneficial for more large stores to include them.  If I knew for sure that if I just could get to the store, that there was a place where I could comfortably feed her, change her diaper, and chill out for a moment, I would make the trip to a lot more stores.  I would spend a lot more money at a lot more retailers.

On a recent adventure to Target, the changing station was in the doorway and next to the hand dryer.  Hand dryers scare Lily right now.  We walked to the store, and we eventually needed a place to nurse before heading back.  We found a spot in a small, semi-crowded food court area of the store.

Ikea is always a good place to go.  Not only are there many places to stop and sit (displays) along the route, but they have a mother's room, too.  It has two changing tables, some kids toys, two comfy chairs, and it's own restroom.  So, you can pull your stroller in and use the restroom.  Or, older kids  can take turns using the restroom and sitting in comfy chairs while you change a diaper. 

The best mother's room was at Babies 'R Us in Seven Corners, VA.  There is a couch, coffee table, two rockers, and two foot rests.  There is also a changing table.  There's plenty of space for 5ish moms to be the room without stepping on each other.  I spent considerably more time at this Babies 'R Us, and it really set the bar for me.  Having this space has made all the difference for us.  When we're freaking out about the trip to the store, we can just take as long as we need to regroup before shopping or before heading out on the road again. 

I think it was the Buy Buy Baby in Springfield, VA that has a comfortable spot, but the space isn't well set up and the changing station is across the store in the bathroom.

Mother's Room at Buy Buy Baby in Rockville, MD

The worst mother's room I have seen was at the Buy Buy Baby in Rockville, MD.  They converted a dressing room into a nursing room.  There were two comfy chairs, no foot rests, and I could put my feet on the wall if I wanted to.  There were several signs on the walls that said not to change diapers in the mother's room, that diapers were to be changed in the restroom.  The restroom was on the other side of the store, and it was just a standard restroom.  It had one of those changing stations that was attached to the wall.  I hate those things.  Lily hates those things.

On our adventures, I have really appreciated when there is an actual changing table available, opposed to just a changing station attached to a wall.  Not all the changing stations are as stable now as they probably were when they were first installed.  When there is a changing table, there is usually a place near it to place the diaper bag.  Often, I have to juggle the diaper bag and the baby, as I don't want to set the bag on a bathroom floor.  The changing stations are at different heights, and some of them come out of the wall horizontal, while others are vertical.  Many of them are awkward, and Lily sometimes freaks out when placed on them.  The idea that a mom would grab tissue paper to have a clean surface is long gone.  I have never seen any sheets in any of those things.  And, most of the safety belts are broken.  So many people have so many kids, I cannot believe that this is what we're left with.  Though, I sometimes feel lucky that there is even a place to change her diaper.  And, we're always happy to find one of them in the men's restroom, since Daddy is on diaper duty.  It is frustrating for me to almost always have to be the one to change her diaper in public, because I'm the parent that feeds and naps her, too.

9 Month Photo Bomb

Elevation Burger

New toy in car

Bubbles!

Hanging with Will

Trying to lift Daddy's weights

New video monitor!

Play date!

Swimming at Will and Lauren's

Swimming at Will and Lauren's

Hello!

Walking with Mommy!

Found a new remote!

The girls

On morning walk

Playing in crib

Breakfast!!

Loves keys!

Mother's room at Buy Buy Baby

Brunch with mommy

First taste of ice cream

Loves the remote!

Late nights with mommy

Gymboree

Grandpa Rick visited!

Lots of nitrate-free bacon

First time swimming in baby pool

First time swimming in baby pool

New favorite stuffed bear

Lots of late nights with mommy

Loves egg!

First fireworks

Hanging with cousin Zai

Loves playing firework game

First time playing on the yoga mat

Brunch with Claire

Today at 9 months!!!

Switching Out Soft Blocks and Keys

With a low budget when Lily was born and misguided about all fabric as a "natural" choice, many items ended up in Lily's toy box.  Today, we swapped out our Ikea building blocks for Apple Park organic soft blocks.  I really love the look and feel of the Apple Park blocks.  They are soft with different textures on them.  They each make a different noise.  A bell, a rattle, and a squeaker!

Ikea circus building blocks

Apple Park organic cotton soft blocks

Additionally, there are some things that are impossible to keep away from her.  My car keys, the television remote control, any spoon, etc.  So, today, I hung some wooden teether keys on the key rack, hoping we'd be able to offer her those when we walk by instead of the car keys.  They were much bigger than I hoped, but they strung up together well.  They even make noise when shaken, which is part of the allure of car keys.  And, she loves to put them in her mouth!

Urban Infant wooden teether keys

Lily the Scorpio Baby

Once upon a time, I was really into astrology.  I find it interesting, because there is something true about the fact that a lot of folks born around the same time share some of the same tendencies or personality traits.  I am a Virgo to the letter.  Sean is a Libra, also to the letter (god help us all, lol). Libra, an Air sign, is all about ideas, while Virgo, an Earth sign, is all about doing something.  Knowing the way I've related to people over the years, I thought it would be awesome if Lily was a Virgo, too.  We all knew we'd be screwed if she was a Libra, too, which is where her due date would have put her.  Ha!  I didn't think Scorpio was any better.  I used to joke about needing to do lots of smoking and drinking, so that she'd come out early enough to be a Virgo!  LOL.  Alas, I did not do that, and here we are.

I just couldn't process what having a Scorpio daughter meant.  So, when she was born, I gave up on trying to use astrology to understand her.  Then, a few weeks ago, I looked up her astrological information again.  This time, I didn't see the portrait of someone I couldn't wrap my head around  Instead, I began to understand my crazy little baby as being a complex and dynamic person.  That she wasn't going to grow up as a Scorpio, but she was born a Scorpio. That instead of feeling held down by the personality of a high need baby, I needed to embrace her strengths and weaknesses.

I went from dreading having a Scorpio daughter to seeing this little passionate person was going to be a shit ton of fun getting to know and watch grow up.

SUN IN SCORPIO

You are very intense and have extremely strong feelings, which you find difficult to talk about because they are also very complicated. When you lose your temper, you get extremely angry; fortunately, that doesn't happen very often. And when you are angry, you don't easily forgive the person who caused your fury. For this reason you have ambivalent feelings about many people. On the other hand, if you do love someone, your feeling is very intense.

Lily is very intense and her feelings do come off very strong.  When I first read this, I had started to see some very difficult feelings going on that she was having trouble communicating.  This being tied to her having a clear picture of what she wants, yet she's unable to communicate that.  Also, when she's upset because you're not doing what she wants you to, she wants to be held by someone else. 

You are very sensitive and your feelings are easily hurt, but you won't run off and hide if someone hurts you. Instead, you strike back and fight hard.

We often comment about how she's so sensitive.  She cries at times as if you hurt her feelings.  My mom comments at times that she thinks she hurt Lily's feelings. 

You have a great love of the mysterious and hidden. You also want to know what is going on in people's minds, so you make an effort to learn as much as possible about human nature.
Sometimes other people have difficulty understanding you, and for this reason you may not make friends easily. But the friends you do have will be very good ones who will probably last for your whole life.

She has shown us recently that when she's settled and calm that she is trying to empathize with us. It's like at the end of the day, she's the one telling me that it's going to be all right.

CANCER RISING

You are a very sensitive person and very attached to familiar surroundings. When you encounter new people, you are friendly enough, but you won't talk about your inner feelings until you get to know them quite well. However, once you decide to trust someone, you trust him or her completely.
Where you live while you are young will always be important to you.

She is more comfortable at home than anywhere else, though she does love to get out of the house.  She loves, loves, loves to meet new people.  She will be the happiest baby to meet you.  The second you put your hands on her to take her, she freaks out.  She is not comfortable opening up to other people.  She does only trust a few people.  

If you feel secure in yourself and self-confident, you can be a generous person, always willing to give of yourself.

In those areas in which you lack self-confidence, you have a serious problem. Your sensitivity makes it difficult for you to take criticism or harsh words from anyone, especially those whom you love. When you feel hurt, you withdraw into yourself and avoid others.

MOON IN ARIES

You are very high spirited and quite courageous, although other people may not realize this until they have made you angry. You are quite independent, and you do not care if anyone agrees with you.

Goodness, she is a VERY high spirited baby.  Courageous would be a good word. She would use us to charge headfirst into battle at times if we'd let her.  Not that she has any battles (yet). 

When your feelings are aroused, you are impulsive and careless. However, when you settle down, you forget your anger very quickly and don't hold a grudge. As you grow older, you must learn to be more in control of yourself.

Interpretations by Robert Hand from "Youth Portrait".

My Girlfriends Are Thinking Twice About Babies

I am the reason some of my girlfriends are thinking twice about having a baby.  I am the reason they are deciding already that they probably don't want to breastfeed, want to make sure baby sleeps in another room, and are determined to not be hindered by this new little person.  They see how much I am struggling.  They see how my life will never be the same.

It's a reality that I wasn't exposed to.  I heard and read how easy our lives would be with breastfeeding, cosleeping, baby wearing, etc.  Sure, these things do make our lives easier.  I would make every one of these choices again. I love my little girl, and while I am generally happy here, I did not expect to need to give up every aspect of my old life.  But, I cannot say for certain that if I knew everything I knew now that I would do it all again.  However, I do not want to imagine my life without her.  Every day with her is the best day ever--even the hardest ones. We are so lucky she chose us to be her parents.  Even on the days I wonder why I did this to myself, we still talk about how it's really fun and how we're having a blast being parents.  I don't know how we could love it so much, yet hate parts of it so much at the same time.

You see, I didn't fully understand what having a baby would mean.  I had no idea that some of them have such strong personalities from the start that it would be a struggle to do anything by myself.  A struggle to be myself.  I thought it would get better quickly in the first year, but I realize by reading stories of other moms, that this is just the beginning of a very long road.  This is how my life has changed every day:

• I remember cuddling with my husband way back before I got pregnant.  On the couch.  In the bed.  Now, we cuddle on planned dates once or twice a month.
• Once upon a time, I could do my hair.  My hot curlers, which gave my signature look (lol!), have only been touched one time since I gave birth.  It doesn't really matter, because it's up anyway, since she pulls it every chance she has.  New moms tend to cut it off as a result.
• Ooo!  Ooooo!  And, I could shave my legs.  Now, I only shave my legs because they are pretty gross or Lily is going swimming.  Last week, she spent 5 minutes stroking my leg because it was new and smooth. I knew then we had a problem.
• I remember the long showers and baths.  Now, I am in and out in 5 minutes, because I don't want to be in the tub when the baby wakes up.  In fact, I no longer shower in the morning.  I shower at night, because she's most likely to sleep longer.  Sometimes, she won't get off my boob long enough for a shower, so I sing to a fussy baby in her bouncer while I clean off.
• The girls and I used to have wine nights after work. Now, I cannot schedule anything after work.  Lily depends on me to be home to put her to bed.  Every.  Night.
• I used to be able to drink.  Now, anything more than a glass makes me very sick. 
• I used to go to adult functions.  You know, meetings, dinners, religious services.  I thought that Lily would be able to come, too.  Now, I cringe at the thought that we might have to entertain her somewhere we should be quiet or concentrate for a half hour or more.  Sean is doing these meetups every now and then, and I just pack her in the car and leave the house.  This baby doesn't give two shits about what we want to do.
• I used to schedule 6 to 10 things on my calendar on a weekend.  You know, fundraisers, lunches, religious services, community service, meetings, etc. Now, any more than two, and I know we're making a big mistake.
• I used to plan fundraisers and parties.  Now, I might RSVP to something and then have a freak out trying to get out the door.
• I used to be able to take a day and run errands.  Now, I can only make two short stops. The process of getting Lily in and out of a car seat is really hard on everyone.  In fact, I try to time car rides with her naps, which means one stop could be three hours.
• I remember when I could shop.  You know, stop and look at things, read labels, consider my options.  Now, I am lucky to find anything that resembles the thing for which I came for.  If it's not the baby fussing in the store, then I only had 3 minutes total from car to checkout to make a decision on the way to or from work.
• I used to spend two days doing homemade decorations.  Now, I know I only have 10 minutes here and 10 minutes there, so I started Lily's birthday party decorations four months in advance.  I spend all my free time doing that, but I barely have anything done.
• I used to use the computer or my smartphone to do a lot of volunteer organizing.  Now, I can't have anything electronic near her or she is highly distracted by it.  I can only use my phone only after she's in a deep sleep, and even then, I'm typing or browsing with one hand.
• Working out used to be something I had to drag my butt out of bed to do.  Now, there are 20 factors that determine whether I can or cannot workout on any given day. Her wake up time, her nap time, my energy level, whether or not I have to stop at the store for her food or my food, traffic, whether or not my mom has to go to the store, how my mom feels, etc.
• Oh, how I miss being alone in the bathroom.  Let me tell you that I can pee at home and in public restrooms while holding an infant.  Even while breastfeeding!  
• Peeing is one thing, but I used to have space to poop by myself.  I now rarely get the opportunity to have that much privacy.   Seriously.
• I used to get coffee and take a walk during one of my breaks at work.  For four months, I pumped 4 hours a day, every day.  There was no time to go to the bathroom.  No time to stop and think.  Now, I just pump for 30 minutes a day.  When the clock hits 12:30pm, 2:30pm, and 5:30pm, I have to stop, drop, and pump.
• I used to eat a fresh, hot dinner at home.  Now, I slam down a microwaved dinner at work before getting into traffic.  When I walk in the door, she wants a boob and sleep.  And, I couldn't nurse her and eat anyway.  I can't nurse her and do anything but look at her.  Everything else is too distracting.  
• I used to sleep 5 to 9 hours straight and wake up at 7am.  Now, I am constantly woken up in the middle of the night and it's been a long time since she woke up after 6am that didn't include two hours of being awake in the middle of the night.

Many of these challenges come especially because I'm a working mom.   The free moments I would have at home, I gave away to someone else.  If I could do it all over again, I would do my best to make sure that I'm in a position to stay at home for as much of the first year as possible.

From what I read, as she gets older, things will continue to change.  Some things will get easier.  Some things will get harder.  There are pockets of easy and pockets of super hard for years.  If and when they decide to have babies, maybe I can share some of the tips and tricks I've learned to make the journey a little bit easier.  I have an ace up my sleeve here and there yet.

Fabriqué en Chine?

What the BLEEP is "Fabriqué en Chine"?  Let me tell you that that the Urban Dictionary hit this one on the head: "Used as a humourous euphemism for cheap, imported goods of questionable quality."

Yes, that's exactly what I thought when I was browsing clothes at Target.  After the grand and horrific (albeit late) realization that synthetic clothes are PLASTIC, I was looking for a couple of cotton shirts.  I was confused when instead of telling me what I was buying, the tag just said "Fabrique en Country." Some things felt cotton, but I had no idea what material they consisted of, so I didn't bite.  Even the children's clothing was listed as being made of fabric-of-whatever-country-we're-taking-advantage-of.

At this point, it would be nice to just crawl back under my clothing bubble and pretend that I didn't come by any of this information.  I should probably apologize for busting your clothing bubble, too.  Too bad, you're on this crazy train with me. That's what you get for reading the internet.

Let me tell you what "Fabriqué en Chine" really is in my opinion.  It's a major retailer's way of telling you, the consumer, that they think you're not paying attention enough to care what the hell your clothes are made out of.  It's their way of telling you, the consumer, that you probably don't want to know what these clothes are made out of, because it ain't good.  It's probably a major retailer's way of skirting around some regulations set on various fabrics by claiming that it is something different.  I'm just speculating that last bit, but I wouldn't put it past them, and it would be a really good reason to falsely label the fabric.

Just a few weeks ago, I was in that bubble where I'd buy anything that looked good, especially on sale.  I would have bought several cute things without looking this day at Target.  In fact, a few weeks prior, I needed sweaters and t-shirts to replace some with holes in them, so I stopped by Old Navy.  I only realized days after that I failed at my conviction to pay attention to the fabric.  No sweat, I would try again next time.  And now, I realize that these retailers know that we're not paying attention and/or that we don't care.

I tell you what, I am going to look even harder for natural fiber clothing made in the USA.  I thought it was too much for people to try to wear organic cotton clothes, but at least you know that it's cotton!  Damn this consumer-needing-to-know-what-the-bleep-is-going-on-market.  I swear, it was not this hard to shop for real stuff when we were growing up.

The PSA is over.  You may now return to your regularly scheduled program.

My Baby Isn't Like The Other Babies

My baby isn't like the other babies.  At the local moms group play date for babies born this year, Lily was fussing almost the entire time.  She's a very happy baby.  But, she knows what she wants to do and how to communicate that we're not doing what she wants to do.  She did not want to be at the play date.  When she woke up from her nap, for the second week in a row, we were in someone else's house.  She was happy for a few minutes.  Then, her demeanor very quickly changed to "MOM!  I don't want our big adventure today to be ANOTHER house! GET ME OUTTA HERE!"  She wasn't really interested in playing with her toys.  She didn't want to play with everyone else's toys.  She didn't really care to play the I'm-gonna-drop-it-and-you're-gonna-hold-me-while-I-pick-it-up-game.  However, an hour after she woke up, she did find a maraca that she was very interested in playing with like it was the best toy ever.  When that nostalgia wore off, I knew we had to go.  But, Mommy didn't want to go.  I wanted to stay and talk to the other mommies.  Hmph.

This is happening more and more.  She's over play dates with other babies.  She's over Busboys and Poets.  She's over Gymboree.  She's over Le Leche League.  She's over playing on her tummy.  Forget trying to go to a non-baby related event.  None of the other babies throw fits like my baby does.  I don't see any of the other moms constantly panicked with trying to appease their little prince or princess when we go to these things.  I looked around as we were leaving and everyone else was happy as a clam.

Despite the fact that it does take three of us here at home to manage and we're all still pretty exhausted, Lily has so many strengths.  She is charismatic.  Her smile and laugh are to die for.  She can eat like a champ.  She loves to go shopping.  She loves to dance.  She loves to sing and watch other people do all of these things.

We keep hoping that when we can communicate and understand each other better that this dynamic will change.   But, that's probably just more waiting for a change that isn't what we expect.  She'll probably be able to much better communicate that she's over it. 

Finally Loosing Weight

OMFG.  Wow.  I weighed 171 lbs for my low weight this morning.  A month ago, at 8 months postpartum, I had hit 185 lbs again for a high weight.  I gave birth at 190 lbs.  Before I was pregnant, I weighed 150 lbs.  Breast milk production makes my weight fluctuate from 3 to 5 lbs each day. 

You know, I was loosing weight during my maternity leave.  I figured this out a couple of weeks ago.  When I'm at work, I intake a lot of food and drink that I wouldn't otherwise.  I eat out more.  It is easier to eat crappy food at work.  Chipotle and thousand-calorie burritos was a staple for a few months.  And, I needed a snack to get me to work.  Sometimes two.  I also needed a snack to get me into the newscast.  Then, there was a glass of wine to chill out at night.   There were many days where I would have 3 snacks and 2 lunches (along with breakfast and dinner).  Hungry?  Need coffee?  BAM!  Starbucks breakfast sandwich.  There were other days where I'd eat a thousand calories of gluten free pizza, because it was yummy and we were too hungry to figure anything else out.

And, you cannot crash diet while breastfeeding, because loosing weight too quickly will release toxins that will get into the breastmilk.  Additionally, if I am not eating at regular intervals, I am starving, and I will suddenly crash and need to eat 2,000 calories of whatever I can get my hands on first.

I had attempted to cut out grains, sugar, and nuts while focusing on the overall health of my teeth.  Those newborn months were busy, and since the days didn't have distinction between them, there wasn't a clear place to take care of myself.  I noticed during that first round of cutting out grains and sugars that I started dropping pounds.  But, I plateaued and stopped loosing weight, so I got frustrated and gave up.  I chose the food that comforted me.  I did make the switch from Starbucks brownies to organic peanut butter cups.  But, I was back to eating frozen dinners in the microwave.  Something had to give.

homemade chicken tikka masala and broccoli

I do the best on grilled meat and veggies.  But, I have to have hot food, I have to take lunch and dinner to work with me, and I have to use a microwave (which dries out meat).  I realized a few weeks ago that I could simmer the meat in a premade sauce, like the frozen dinners do.  Voila!  I could make healthy, low cost, no grain meals that I could put in glass containers.  These would not dry out in the microwave.  I then went down to one sugar snack a day (before the newscast), and now I am down to ZERO snacks per day.  I had a little chocolate the other day, and it was too sweet.  Win.

What I cut out:

• All sugar (refined sugar, natural sugar, fruit, etc)
• All grains (refined, whole, bread, corn, rice, etc)
• All nuts and seeds

What I eat now:

• Breakfast: Eggs (and sometimes bacon)
• Snack: Salad with cheese and oil and vinegar
• Lunch: chicken/beef and veggies
• Dinner: chicken/beef and veggies
• Water/Coffee

We also started:

• Walking 1.2 to 2.5 miles per day almost every day (now that we're on 2 naps)

And, that's it.  No cookies.  No chocolates.  No peanut butter cups.  Well, there are some situations where I do indulge.  I have a mimosa with my eggs benedict at brunch.  And, you can be damn sure that I'm going to eat cake when it's there.  Damn.  Sure. Holla.  Cake.  Mmm.

Homemade Bubbles

Yesterday, I made bubbles.  Daddy wanted sugar bubbles, like the ones at Gymboree, but it turns out those are corn syrup and glycerin.  Not bad.  But, most of the at-home recipes use dish soap.  You can just google bubble solution recipes and find a bunch.  I decided to not use any kind of sugar solution, because we're having a bug problem and I didn't want the sugar to exacerbate the situation.

We could sporadically blow some bubbles.  We don't have any bubble wands yet (I just decided to do this on a whim), so I couldn't tell if my shoddy foil wands were the problem, if the solution needed to set awhile (as some website suggested), or if I just need to try a new recipe. 

Here's the recipe I used:

• 1/4 cup natural, biodegradable dish detergent (Like Seventh Generation Free & Clear)
• 1 cup water
• 1 teaspoon glycerin